That's sort of the entire story to be honest...
It's all over bar the glitching
Canalys CEO says firm will bin its loss-making laptop line
Firm also outs new Spectre x360 with 16.5-hour battery life
Pre-orders open in the US for $499
Maybe. Or maybe something more benign
Firm will 'advocate the use, contribution and release' of open source software
If it's popular, you might have to Qubit before you get it
But Canonical's Mark Shuttleworth doesn't agree
Microsoft has a persistent problem with Chinese software takeaways
Four months after WannaCry, the danger is still huge
Under the Surface, another bootsy oopsy
At last, granular, by-the-app permissions
.NET flaw could allow hackers take full control of affected systems
That is all Windows needs
Microsoft's Surface boss Panos Panay will kick off Future Decoded event
What IS the freaking hold up?
But everything is definitely absolutely, completely FINE
Myerson confirms timeline, but doesn't confirm Timeline. See what we did there?
The figures are not looking great for this Windows as a Service model
But noone has mentioned updates yet
And it could launch in October
Free movies promoted on Redmond pages
Coming soon to a PC near you. Sick bags not provided, sadly
You would think after 17 years we'd have run out of knob gags, but no
Yet another new feature in the Fall Creators' Update
25 per cent of users will notice borkage within two years
Everyone is happy again, for now.
Monster bunch of fixes take aim at Adobe Acrobat and Flash
Hacking tool targets PCs running Windows
Look into the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into the eyes
Meanwhile the wibbly wobbly screen saga continues
Seriously. And yet we've spun it out to 500 words
Such excite! Very Open Source!
There's gold in them there ills
But it's like, sooooo boring
Firm sets sights on Microsoft with 24in and 27in PCs
Was it all a big publicity stunt?
Firm trumps expectations with revenues of £17.9bn
But Creators Update? Nooooo
Communication tool may end up being useful again at some point
Firm soothes 19 critical bug fixes in latest Patch Tuesday release
8.1? 8.dead more like
Just don't poo in the sandbox
Dunno why we ever thought it was. We are fools. Apparently
It may be for our own good but that doesn't make it right
While Windows 7 dips just slightly