"Oh no, not again" (said the bowl of petunias)
The chipmaker needs more time to squash the bugs
But chipmaker promises patches are on their way
Telemetry and memory scanning tech aims to increase security at a silicon level
Microcode updates cover products dating as far back as 2011
The chipmaker noted the patch was too difficult to practically implement
They're the vulnerabilities that keep on giving
Another branch prediction processor attack found affecting computer CPUs, but Intel brushed off concerns
Cascade Lake and 8th-gen CPUs will be first to implement hardware changes
And Redmond is offering big money for those who find them
Spectre-like flaw can crack open Intel's secure enclaves
Patch for Skylake-powered Windows 10 machines is available now
Comes after initial patch caused 'increased reboots'
Plaintiffs claim AMD deceived customers over processor performance
Firm promises latest microcode patches have undergone 'extensive testing'
It would seem Intel's inside the courts
Don't Panic! The exploits are only proof-of-concept attacks
$250,000 is up for grabs for researchers that can spot Spectre-like bugs
But who will fix the fix that fixes the fix?
It's Crap Inception
Chipmaker says firm didn't have time to 'tell everyone it planned'
Pick up a p-p-p-patched p-p-p-penguin
New architecture will be deployed in next-generation of Intel CPUs
Yep, the same day that Krzanich sold half of his shares
Four Republican lawmakers reckon they have ways of making big tech firms talk
Plaintiffs claim chipmaker kept quiet to inflate its stock price
Seems like cybercrims really love kicking things when they're down
And up to 25 per cent may never be patched, Bridgeway warns
Security bod warns that patch likely will have a similar impact on other iDevices
Firm is calling for Reptoline fix to be rolled out industry-wide
Though in truth, they're hardly affected
Firm says patches were released to 'mitigate' the impact of CPU issues
Reflects the race against time to get this shiz out