Coming soon to a PC near you. Sick bags not provided, sadly
You would think after 17 years we'd have run out of knob gags, but no
It's justice, but it's creepy justice
The chips were down. Apparently.
Yet another new feature in the Fall Creators' Update
25 per cent of users will notice borkage within two years
Everyone is happy again, for now.
We're so excited we could burst
Monster bunch of fixes take aim at Adobe Acrobat and Flash
The finest Windows tablet around, but it'll cost you
Your positive feedback is really helping it out
Look into the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into the eyes
Meanwhile the wibbly wobbly screen saga continues
Microsoft's migraine-inducing messaging app now supports P2P payments
Such excite! Very Open Source!
There's gold in them there ills
But it's like, sooooo boring
Was it all a big publicity stunt?
It's not so much a chatbot as babysitting
Didn't even bother to canvas opinion
Custom chip will enable features such as on-device voice recognition
Leaving behind a bear with a sore head
Firm trumps expectations with revenues of £17.9bn
But Creators Update? Nooooo
Firm realises its time to put effort into this personal assistant nonsense
Communication tool may end up being useful again at some point
Users are unable to install Microsoft's March Creators Update
We round up the best devices available this year
Firm soothes 19 critical bug fixes in latest Patch Tuesday release
8.1? 8.dead more like
And Ebuyer gets in on the act with its own 'Optimus Day'
Just don't poo in the sandbox
Firm also announces that first Azure Stack hardware is now available
Firm joins 500 other organisations in HPE-led cloud initiative
Open source software has come a long way in 25 years
Firm is notifying sales and marketing staff of potential redundancies
But that's what happens when you roll wet satsumas in flour and call it a UI
Parliament says 'no usernames or passwords' have been disclosed to scam callers
Oh shi.... oh, wait, it's ok, don't panic
Dunno why we ever thought it was. We are fools. Apparently
It may be for our own good but that doesn't make it right
While Windows 7 dips just slightly
Microsoft says it's 'investigating' the issue
City of London Police say these arrests are 'just the beginning'
And just eight Met Police PCs have been upgraded to Windows 10
Just don't look if you love Firefox
But it seems to be not as bad as first though