SCARECROW LOOKALIKE and UK prime minister Boris Johnson has warned of "pink-eyed Terminators" and "limbless chickens" in a rambling speech to the United Nations General Assembly in New York this week.
In the surreal address, of which the theme was supposedly the challenges and opportunities posed by technology and artificial intelligence (AI), the toddler-like PM warned that "in the future, voice connectivity will be in every room and almost every object" as UN delegates looked on in bafflement.
"Your mattress will monitor your nightmares; your fridge will beep for more cheese, your front door will sweep wide the moment you approach, like some silent butler; your smart meter will go hustling for the cheapest electricity," Johnson rambled.
"And every one of them minutely transcribing your every habit in tiny electronic shorthand stored not in their chips or their innards … but in some great cloud of data that lours ever more oppressively over the human race, a giant dark thundercloud waiting to burst. And we have no control over how or when the precipitation will take place."
As if that wasn't enough to make you book a one-way ticket out of this stupid country, things got - if you can believe it - even more bonkers.
"AI — what will it mean?" the PM asked the bewildered crowd. "Helpful robots washing and caring for an ageing population? Or pink-eyed terminators sent back from the future to cull the human race?
"What will synthetic biology stand for — restoring our livers and our eyes with miracle regeneration of the tissues, like some fantastic hangover cure? Or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens to our tables?"
Though it's unlikely anyone was listening by this point, Johnson went on to warn that "it takes real effort to conceal your thoughts from Google", and he has similar concerns about Amazon too, barking: "A future Alexa will pretend to take orders. But this Alexa will be watching you, clucking her tongue and stamping her foot."
As if BoJo's speech wasn't embarrassing enough, it made just hours after the UK supreme court ruled that his suspension of Parliament was unlawful. Perhaps this was all supposed to be a distraction.
You can watch Johnson's full PM address below, if you dare. µ
Hype for HyperThreading
Hey kids, leave them iPhones alone
The Mac lady sings
Babel in yo ear