YOUR APPLE CARD is too beautiful for this world. You'd have thought something carved out of titanium might be rugged enough to last, but the Apple Card is a delicate flower, likely to get discoloured if kept around leather. Which is unfortunate, given we humans are rather attached to our leather wallets.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and one enterprising firm has stepped up to the plate with the most ridiculous Apple accessory ever made: a solid wood Apple Card case.
Yes, you too can carry your fancy credit card around in a custom-made bed constructed from maple, walnut, spalted maple or figured walnut. Prices range from $39 (~£33) for a maple case without any extras all the way up to $139 (~£116) for one in figured walnut with a custom image engraving.
That's right, you can even have it engraved just to really underline your ridiculous credentials. May we suggest a cross decal, to underline the coffin vibe? Then you can freak out Starbucks baristas by reading your Apple Card the last rites every time you buy a latte.
With an Alcantara inlay, KerfCase - the company behind the accessory - says this is a product that is "as beautiful as it is functional," which feels like damning with faint praise to us.
"Our team spent a week looking at the smallest details," the company writes, as if this is a good thing rather than a symptom of having very little else going on.
"The case had to work with a metal card, be easy to use, contain no metal, magnets, leather, denim, or other card-scratching elements, and look amazing." Ultimately, the company has come up with something that's as thin as its iPhone cases, coming in at half an inch thick and weighing 51g.
If, for some inconceivable reason, you're reading this with a growing sense of jealousy as somebody without an Apple Card, then have no fear: KerfCase says that the case is compatible with other credit cards. So if you really want to protect your Nando's loyalty card, then this is as good a method as any.
Now, covering your £979 laptop in wood: that's a whole different proposition... µ
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