THIRTEEN YEARS AFTER LAUNCHING, Twitter has finally decided it should hire somebody who knows how to use the platform.
A job listing has appeared on the microblogging site, looking for a "Tweeter in Chief." Someone who can "set the tone of who we are and how we act," so an attitude of live-and-let-live towards white supremacy will probably see your CV rise to the top of the list.
On top of that, it'll be the Tweeter in Chief's job to "elevate and thank the people who use us" and to make Twitter "feel a little smaller" - something which the company has proven quite adept at, even without outside help.
"You are a master in the art of Twitter, and want to take that passion and expertise to the ultimate, meta level of @Twitter," the listing enthuses.
Also desirable: "You are extremely plugged into Twitter culture, stan culture, and culture in general."
Given we had to look up what "stan culture" is, we have decided not to throw our hat into the ring. So who should drink from this delightful poisoned chalice, and put up with the entitled whining of 300 million self-important users? We've come up with three potential names.
First up is the man in charge of the Museum of Rural Life, who managed to make a small museum in Reading a viral sensation. Unfortunately, Elon Musk beat us to it, so that's a non-starter.
Second, there's a man whose unhinged, 280-character rantings always generate newspaper headlines - not always good, but any publicity good publicity, right? Unfortunately, he's busy until at least 2020 and Twitter doesn't really have time to lose. Sorry, Donald.
So who does that leave? Well Twitter needs a friendly face: someone approachable, but familiar. Somebody who has social media in their blood, but who crucially isn't doing anything right now.
Go on Tom. Make us proud. µ
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