EWWW. MAKE IT STOP. Google has announced a whole bunch of new ad categories and they're coming to a phone near you.
This week's Google Marketing Live event produced several new options to make Android and iOS just that little bit more ad-heavy. For 'little', read 'understatement'.
They include 'gallery ads' which will allow you to swipe through images, which will become part of the search process on mobile. They'll also form part of the 'Discover' option in the Google Assistant screen and on Google's mobile home page.
Oh come on, Google - that's sh*t! Do we not get bombarded with enough already?
YouTube will also be affected, with Google able to create a pre-roll ad from a bunch of still pictures provided, if you don't want to make a video.
Bumper Machine, a new feature in YouTube uses machine learning can automatically create clips from your videos and turn them into trailers/adverts. It makes three, you choose your favourite, it becomes a six-second preroll ad.
Alternatively, you can access Bumper Machine and create your own.
It all sounds positively ghastly.
Google says: "In a world where we have less time and more options, it's crucial for brands to anticipate what consumers need in order to stand out. But just because the customer journey is complex doesn't mean delivering useful experiences has to be. "
Google Shopping will be revamped offering a personalised home page for each user, which will make better use of the glut of data it has on you to offer better shopping results, flanked by new display advertising for shopping partners. This will also form part of the new ‘pay in-store' feature announced for Google Pay.
Desktop search isn't affected (for now at least). The services will roll out later in the year. We fear that we're reaching the end for the 'lock screen' ban before too long.
As for us, we're off to find our old Windows Mobile 6.0 phone. That had no ads and all the apps were free. Those were the days. μ
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