OH HAPPY DAYS, an email from TalkTalk! What treats wait inside? Oh, a £4 per month increase for TalkTalk TV from 18 February.
But don't worry, according to the header, it still offers "brilliant value" and now you're getting "new benefits". What new benefits?
Multi-room TV, which was previously £4 per month, is now free. Or - from a glass equally empty point of view - if you already had it, it's the same price.
But wait, there's more! You can "access the best On Demand players." ITV! All 4! BBC iPlayer! Because you definitely don't already have devices that can access these free services.
There's also Netflix, because what's better than paying for free services? Paying to access a service that needs a subscription. On that note, you can also "add or remove premium TV monthly."
You'll also get £5 off your first movie on demand.
That, as far as we can tell, is it. But don't worry, "that's just 13 pence per day," the email cheerily states, for those that can't be bothered to figure out how much they're being ripped off by.
You may wonder why your monthly price is going up when TalkTalk has a very prominent "Fixed Low Price Guarantee." The company says that only applies to broadband, and not any bundled TV or extras. As TalkTalk's FAQ smugly puts it: "Other services such as our calling rates, boosts and TV service are not included as part of Fixed Price Plans and therefore subject to change.
"We will, however, notify you of any changes by contacting you directly," it adds, so that's alright then. It's always nice to get fair warning before you're punched in the face, after all.
There's nothing in the email which suggests members can opt out of these exciting new benefits, but we've heard some reports that you can do so by calling 0345 172 0088 and making a fuss.
The FAQ also hints at it, but doesn't say so directly with a paragraph reading: "If you do decide to leave TalkTalk TV your broadband service or any other Boosts or discounts won't be affected so you can continue enjoying your other services with us."
However, as this tweet suggests, your mileage may vary:
Hi, had an email from talk talk saying they want to start charging me £4 a month for my 10 year old tv box. When I tried to cancel the £4 charge they wanted to charge me £156. After an hour on chat they decided that they did not have to charge me but I had to return thebox Bizzar https://t.co/jOeJnK96Mv— Trevor Turvey (@TrevorTurvey1) January 16, 2019
While it failed to answer our actual questions, TalkTalk in a statement: "We've been investing heavily in our TV service over the past two years to deliver large-scale tech updates and product innovations that bring real benefits to the customer experience, as well as adding more great content.
"Whilst making such improvements has resulted in a price change, TalkTalk TV continues to offer fantastic value for money and customers can save up to £216 a year vs BT, Sky and Virgin Media." µ
We should be shocked, but...
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