VOIP-NO-HOPER Microsoft has announced the latest release of its ongoing project to retire the version of Skype that works.
'Classic Skype', which shares the same branding strategy as ‘New Coke', is to be withdrawn for the absolutely, definitely, finally and for the last time on 1 November after which the snappily titled ‘Skype 8.0' or 'Footage of a 1930s gay pride parade colorized by the woman who restored the Ecco Mono Edition'.
Microsoft has had its ‘we know what's best for you' experts on the job of weening us off working software for months now, but this time, it's absolutely dedicated to stopping Skype working.
"Although you may be able to use older versions for a little while, we encourage you to update today to avoid any interruption." it quoth.
Tablet and mobile versions of ‘Classic Skype' will be borkified from 15 November.
There is some hope that the decision to ditch all the fugly 'yoof' features might actually lure people back, assuming they had worked out how to turn it off in the first place. However, the key issue from INQ's point of view is that it didn't actually ever get it working properly across platforms after the redesign to resemble a cauldron of so many melted Crayola effigies of Teletubbies.
No. You're right. We didn't like it.
Microsoft did promise last month that it would keep Classic Skype around for ‘some time' and while a couple of months is definitely ‘some time', if we were, say asking ‘how long before the larvae in my stomach hatch, doctor' and were told ‘some time' we'd like to think it would be longer than a couple of months before we started vomiting flies.
Imagine the countdown to blast-off of a Microsoft spaceship. "5…4… Some Time… A Little While… 1…. LIFT OFF!".
And if you think we're picking on Microsoft, of course we are, the usual playful bants we have with siblings that we really want to be run over by a steamroller. But Google is no better. Google Inbox is being retired soon, a few months after we were assured there were no plans to do so.
This, friends, is why we can't have nice things. Or Skype. μ
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