BLACKBERRY MOBILE* has announced the 'Blackberry Smartphone Fan League' (BSLF), a new way to win a bunch of stuff you didn't want by doing the company's job for them.
BSFL (which could also stand for 'Barely Suitable For Linkedin', but it doesn't, and we can't stress that enough) has chosen to reflect the bland, faceless corporate mediocrity of BlackBerry Mobile phones, which sold about 850,000 units last year (less than Wileyfox, which went bankrupt) with a no-frills chance to get rewarded for using your social media accounts to push the Blackberry Mobile agenda, without a hint of joy or achievement.
Of course, we could gamify it with our imaginations. After connecting all your social media accounts to the platform, thus proving that we are indeed just as pliant as the company thought and indeed the perfect candidates for Cambridge Analytica, we could imagine that the dry instructions are coming from MI6 and that we are special agents.
Alternatively, erm, no.
The instructions are so dry, the sound more like forfeits in the worlds worst game of truth or dare. Stuff like ‘Post to your social networks about Blackberry. Use these hashtags'.
Heck, even the FAQs are dull.
"Mentions work by looking for a specified keyword in your text. Write your own tweet or status update using the keyword to earn Points," it reads. "You can write these posts through your BlackBerry Smartphone Fan League account under the 'Earn More Points' tab, or you can write them through your personal Twitter and Facebook accounts. You must use the current keyword at least once in order to earn Points."
As you are doubtless aware, Blackberry Mobile has never used viral marketing in this way before to promote products and any reference to how great Blackberry Mobile is in our article comments are completely organic, from genuine fans, not shills of the company. Definitely. This is a completely new approach. 100 per cent.
By earning rewards from your new masters, you can win a range of items - bland phones, black t-shirts, grey bags, black baseball caps. Basically a bunch of stuff that is black as the hearts of those who would want to promote Blackberry Mobile handsets by spamming their friends.
Grey as a drizzly day. Black like life. µ
*Which, we are advised by the legals to point out, is a different company from the dizzyingly exciting world of Blackberry's software side.
Oh and it'll also help give aural pleasure
But it might still not be enough to make virtual reality super appealing
And a ridiculous competition
Now you can talk to your silly-looking earbuds too