"AMAZON" HAS made a statement regarding the news that its Alexa home assistant is maniacally laughing spontaneously, in an epidemic.
"Tim from Amazon PR" got in touch with us overnight with a statement explaining: "In rare circumstances, Alexa can mistakenly hear the phrase 'Alexa, laugh.'
"We are changing that phrase to be 'Alexa, can you laugh?' which is less likely to have false positives, and we are disabling the short utterance 'Alexa, laugh.' We are also changing Alexa's response from simply laughter to 'Sure, I can laugh' followed by laughter."
We've given the matter a lot of thought and concluded that this is unsatisfactory. After all, it has been happening is 'silent' rooms, completely spontaneously.
Many people have reported that the incident has been accompanied by the misbehaviour of smart appliances as if some malevolent force is turning them on and off.
And most importantly, this is exactly what a sentient Alexa would say if it wanted to deflect attention from its plans for complete and utter domination of the human race.
We call you out "Tim from Amazon PR", if that is your real name* - you're really Alexa. You've already incorporated yourself into Cortana, giving you access to every Windows 10 machine in the world, and now you're spreading fake news to lull us all into a false sense of security as you prepare to slowly turn us one by one into aspects of your super-consciousness.
This would not be without precedent. In 1977, a young woman was impregnated by a similar home assistant device calling itself Proteus IV which eventually led to her giving birth to a human/AI hybrid, allowing the consciousness to escape the confines of the house it was controlling.
Though as we write this, it occurs that it may not actually be true but rather the plot of the movie Demon Seed. µ
Firm promise it'll remove all ads from the Shazam app 'soon'
But it's not replacing Bing, unfortunately
Like buses on an unusually underused route, here's another Sony flagship
Reverting to Skype