"IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME," says veteran Apple fan Oscar Wallopington-Cameron, taking a drag on his e-cig, his eyes scanning news of new Mac machines and an iPad coming in autumn through his prescription-less spectacles.
These Macs are set to come sporting Apple co-processors, used for Touch Bar and security support. At the mention of the co-processor, Oscar's hands shake a little so he takes a sip out of his soy latte from its avocado cup.
The reason for Oscar's palpable excitement is the potential for co-processors to bring in new features and power to Mac desktops and laptops without the need for expensive Intel chips.
The high-end T2 processor in the iMac Pro handles all extra system features like the web cab and secure boot facility freeing up its Intel Xeon chip to do more heavy-lifting when rendering achingly-cool gig videos from hip Canadian bands.
But as a struggling 8D concept smell o'vision artist living in Shoreditch, Oscar's trust fund only covers a top-end MacBook Pro, so he finds the idea of such a chip filtering down to other Macs a pant-tightening prospect.
He works his way down the lengthy article digging into the potential chip ambitions of Tim Cook's Cupertino crew. Then his eyes stop and he need to put down the vegan poppy seed and kale muffin.
"iPad," he mumbles gruffly, his curled moustache twitching. "Haven't heard that name in years...."
His palms start to moisten and his iPhone X gets as clammy as a humid gap year trip to Goa.
An iPad refresh is expected at the end of the year, ready breatheath life into the rather stagnant tablet line up that hasn't seem much of a boost since the iPad Pro refresh last year.
Oscar reads on although his head start to spin a little, he slowly absorbs Bloomberg's prediction that the next iPad could come with a 'A12X' chipset, skipping the A11 Bionic chips found in the latest iPhones.
His mind now start to race as he imagines all the potential such a chip could have for iPad productivity, games and augmented reality; he desperately wants an AR peace lily garden for his studio digs.
Feeling a bit flustered he takes off his ethically-sourced jumper made from the leg hairs of house spiders and treated in the tears of Banksy. As he cools down he reads on.
His heart start to race and his ears begin to ring. It wouldn't be possible? Surely not....Oscar can't quite take it in; Bloomberg suggested Apple could one day make its own chips for Macs shifting away form a reliance on Intel and its seemingly flawed processors.
His mind goes into meltdown as images of Steve Jobs come flowing into his mind with the Apple messiah uttering the immortal line: "one more thing".
It's all too much so he flings a cat off his MacBook Pro, scoops up his badge-leaden satchel and scurries out of the feline-themed cafe. Oscar makes it 100 feet down the road and collapses outside the Apple Store, his face a twisted picture of rapture.
A blue tee clad 'genius' looked on; he's see it all before. µ
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