SO NO NEWS in Google this week. Oh wait, no - there was fricking loads of it. Hang on then...
Well, first and foremost, during the Great American Eclipse, as its PR team named it, Google revealed that, as most of suspected, Android 8.0 would indeed be called Oreo. The webcast was an absolute shambles, but the job is done.
There may well be a delay on rolling it out though because a lot of beta testers are complaining that there's issues with the Bluetooth. Hopefully it'll be all done and dusted in time for the launch of the Pixel 2 on October 5th (apparently).
Meanwhile, there's rumours of a mini-version of the Google Home assistant (think Amazon Echo Dot) and as if all that wasn't enough, there's talk of a tie-up with Walmart to fend off Amazon's Whole Foods buy-out.
The Google Play Store has had to cull 500+ Android apps after it transpired that the engine they used to display ads had a back door, which would allow malware to be added at a later date.
And, speaking of security, Google's Titan chip has made its debut after rolling out in the company's data centres. The idea is to make the cloud even more secure (just like Android?). So that's lovely.
And to be be perfectly honest, you'll be barraged by news over the next few weeks, so isn't that enough to be going on with?
No? All right, well did we also mention that Google is partnering with the National Alliance on Mental Illness so that, if you search for depression, you'll be able to do an online questionnaire to establish if you are indeed suffering.
It's US only, but we'd love to see it in the UK soon, although we're also wondering whether the results get added to Google's great, big database of everyone on Earth.
So, your Bank Holiday freebies?
Well this first one, you'll have to be very quick, it's for today only but it's such a cool little game we're rolling with it. And it's only 59p normally anyway. It's called Darkland, and is a platformer with no jump button. Go figure.
A handy one if, like us, you sometimes need more than one thing copied at a time before you paste. Clipboard Manager Pro (usually £1.49) allows you a lot more power over your clippings and can turn them into notes, or save them to the cloud.
Finally, if you can imagine an arcade game based on the premise of being a trader inside a large corporation, you'll be imagining The Firm. Be careful, or you're fired. Apparently. It's usually 84p. µ
This column could make you very poor
Firm beats out rival bids from Motorola and Sepura
Battery will help stock blackouts in South Australia
The early bird catches the spud. Perhaps she was a potato clock?