WITH BASEBALL CAPS already made ridiculous because no one takes the sodding label off the brim anymore (yeah, alright, shut up granddad), it has been left to Atari to make them even stupider.
The Atari Speakerhat has been announced to coincide with the launch of the pricing of the dates of the release of the Ataribox, (or something) and for some reason the company has decided that retro game fans are the type of people who would also like to blast their music and phone-calls from speakers mounted in the brim of their hat.
Or "dicks" as they're sometimes known.
It's not like one of these mainstays of the Eighties:
These had some common sense about them, as the music went into your ears and didn't annoy anyone else. Trust us. We had this exact Castlemaine XXXX cap, bought for £1.50 off of Rugby Market, if memory serves.
Atari's reinvention means Bluetooth 4.1 and blasting the results to all and sundry which raises one simple question:
WHY, ATARI, WHHHHYYYYYY? DO YOU WANT TO BE BANKRUPT AGAIN?
Inside the brim, there are stereo speakers, CSR/Qualcomm cVc Bluetooth codec magic, and a rechargeable battery in case you want to use it twice and "a button".
But wait! It gets f*cking stupider!
It also has "multiplayer mode". This little slice of heaven means that not only can you be the twat-in-the-hat, and not only can you be the twat-with-the-twat-in-the-hat-with-another-hat but you can also be the-twats-in-hats-who-can-sync-their-music-to-come-out-of-both-hats-at-the-same-time-as-each-others-hats.
It kind of makes you wish we had eschewed progress and were still using primitive bone tools doesn't it?
At least then we could stab anyone wearing one of these stupid hats in the neck.
Not only is Atari wanting people to test the speaker-hat in a beta program (we assume to see how many of them are returned bloodied from the wearer having their head kicked in), but Atari is even incentivising the lucky dweebs who successfully renege their street cred, with swag.
As well as the girl-repelling hat, you'll also get a t-shirt, a Flashback games collection for PS4 or Xbox One and participation in the beta program.
So the first and last things that they're offering as an incentive for the thing... is the thing? Man, you'd have to be pretty gullible. Speaking of which, to sign up to beta-test the last hat you'll ever wear without a broken nose, click here. µ
You should naaaaht get sucked in, you should naaaaaht... Oh Hi Mark
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