HELLO. It's Kevin here.
When you are the last Windows Mobile user in the world, it's rare that crumbs of comfort reach you in your mum's basement. In fact, it's more likely you'll get silverfish than some good news.
But today, there's hope for a new and better Britain. A hope that even though I might not have a job after Thursday because of apparently parliament could be well hung and I'm not, or at least that's what my boss said, there's going to be something to fill my days.
If it's true it's going to be awesome and I ran upstairs to tell mum not remembering that I was grounded because of that thing I did that she caught me at.
So it's going to have a stylus pen thing, which would have annoyed that Mr Jobs. Plus it's going to have a built-in projector so I can beam Emmanuelle 3 onto the wall anytime I like and go hands-free.
It's going to have a kickstand which is great because it's a phone and they don't normally have them and it's going to support that Continuuuum thing that makes your phone a computer if you've got a magnifying glass, a mice and a keyboard on you at all times, even though you'll look a knob.
Mr Nutella did say there'd be new mobiles and they'd better come soon coz when I went to Carphone Warehouse the other day, they said they didn't sell no Lumias anymore because it's 2017 and to get out of the shop because my breathing was annoying the other customers.
There's lots of words too like "Project Andromeda" and "Surface Peking" and "Surface Slavonia". That last one sounds like putting on suntan cream. INQUIRERs says its not sure if it's true but it might be but it might not be and they're only reporting this as a plot device for character development whatever that is.
It may not be true, but I am the true believer. I am Windows Phone till I die, and I will get a Surface Phone in all the colours and all the sizes and all the memories that I can. Because that's all I have now. Hope.
Well, okay, I've also got every issue of FHM ever and a big bag of Wotsits to eat. But hope as well. µ
For once no blame is being levied at North Korea
Firm won't get access to servers until Friday at the earliest
The octa-core chip is pretty feature packed
iPhone 6 and 7 owners are also rushing to switch to the S9