BAD NEWS for Samsung Galaxy S8 owners awaiting the arrival of Bixby, the company's inexplicably unnecessary alternative to Amazon Alexa and Google Assistant. Alright, and Siri since you mention it.
Although repeatedly promised as imminent, Bixby is currently only available in Korean because it emerges, English is hard.
A report in the Wall Street Journal reveals that Bixby is "struggling to comprehend English syntax and grammar", a description that also applies to INQ journalists who drink at lunchtime.
"Bixby Voice benefits from time to further enhance natural language understanding, and we are currently growing our user testing in the U.S. to prepare for launch," said Samsung in a statement, which still fails to give any clue as to when we might see the finished article.
Of course, for us UK based users, the fact that they are testing in the US suggests our wait will be even longer, as the idiosyncrasies of "Bixby, remove my pants" verses "Bixby, remove my trousers" need to be hammered out.
(What? It's named after the guy that played The Incredible Hulk, its gonna be removing trousers at some point).
The fact that this hasn't seemingly dented sales of the flagship Android device suggests that, quite probably, most people couldn't give a rats ass about Bixby in the first place and it will most likely go the way of Samsung Pay (available in the UK, but really?) and Knox as also-rans in a world where Sammy commands the hardware but really needs to lay off the software side a bit more.
Just today, the company announced that My Knox was to be binned in favour of some sort of secure folder dealie, amid warnings that the former was not likely to be maintained.
The lack of Bixby and even the spectre of the Galaxy Note 7 has failed to dent the appetite of users who have dived on the S8 range, with the company reporting sales of 5m within the first month.
The company is aiming for sales of 60m units across the S8 and S8+, eclipsing the 48m of its predecessor, the predictively recursive S7. µ
They are supposed to be motivational, but you know how whacky AI is
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