REMEMBER IF YOU CAN all the excitement that we got into earlier this week when we heard that there is a John McAfee movie being made.
We had in mind one of the greatest movies since Invasion USA with Chuck Norris, albeit one with Johnny Depp in it. The inclusion of the certified Hollywood star had us slightly concerned that this might be a bit of a fancy pants, vanilla take on the McAfee story.
Today our excitement has ramped up a little. Not only have we stumbled across a copy of what might be some ramblings about the script, but we have also read that John McAfee wants to challenge racial perception and have Morgan Freeman play him in the movie of his life.
"I have been frequently compared to Hunter S. Thompson and I have seen Depp's magnificent portrayal of Thompson," said McAfee to Newsweek.
"I think Depp is as good as Javier Bardem, John Turturro, Mickey Rourke or Morgan Freeman [to play the part]. I am not joking about the latter. I pray for a time when the skin tone is not a factor in character choice. From what I know of Freeman, his character closest matches mine."
If we could advise the producers of this movie anything it would be to have Morgan Freeman do a voice over because he is the king of that. If Chuck Norris doesn't fancy it, and Cuba Gooding Jnr is not available, then perhaps McAfee should just play himself.
Anyway, as we all know we do not work in Hollywood so enough of our advice. Let's get onto the scrap of information that we have on the production. Here it is. Don't forget your popcorn.
We open in a room, it is dark and smoky. Bright light is fighting to get through the shutters. A fan fans gently. We are somewhere exotic.
A man is asleep on a chair, a cigar is burning down in its right hand and a roll of 100 dollar bills is turning to ash in his left.
Exotic ladies lounge about, and what appears to be a capuchin in a suit is studiously rolling doobies on a large mirrored coffee table while a woman wraps and unwraps herself from some wide bands of cloth that are hanging from the ceiling. There are literally boobs and capuchins everywhere.
A title comes up: Belize, the 2000s.
Back in the room. Shots ring out from outside. The sleeping man rouses, shakes his head, rubs his eyes and puts on a robe. We see his face for the first time. It is Morgan Freeman. He is John McAfee. He puts on some sunglasses
Voice Over by Morgan Freeman: "And that's when things got really crazy."
What follows is an hour and a half of Bond style action, albeit with an elderly but excellent black actor playing a white security expert in a movie about drugs, sex, shooters, Vice magazine, and drugs and sex and Vice in general.
We'll sell you a seat, but you will only use the edge of it. And you will be using that to chew on.
McAfee: The Man, The Truth and The Mayhem will be appearing in cinemas in 2018 in McAfee vision*, Ultimate Thrill Vision, and HD 3D. Maybe. µ
No end to end-to-end. End of
A whole lot of cheddar
S marks the rumoured spot
The best sitcom about a compression algorithm in TV history