ELON MUSK has confirmed that he definitely isn't an alien, countering circulating rumours that he is in fact not of this Earth.
He's still in the United Arab Emirates for the launch of the Tesla, where he told reporters earlier this week that we would all have to become cyborgs to stay relevant to the planet. He was answering questions from Mohammad Abdulla Alergawi, the Minister of Cabinet Affairs and the Future for the UAE.
"This is one of the great questions in physics and philosophy — where are the aliens? Maybe they are among us I don't know. Some people think I am an alien. Not true. Of course I would say that though wouldn't I?" he quipped.
The evidence is mounting, though. He's created electric cars which are far superior to any others on the planet. He is building an underground tunnel to his Space X facility where he is testing new technology to conquer space.
Basically, he's just trying to get home.
Musk has also warned that the world is probably just a simulation anyway and that we don't really exist, but that could be to divert attention.
The PayPal founder also has warned of the dangers of artificial intelligence (AI) and has thrown money at a foundation to ensure that AI is only used for good, suggesting he has travelled in time to warn us of the rise of the Terminators. Could he be John Connor?
A popular trope of sci-fi is an anagrammed name. Perhaps there's a clue there? The best we could come up with was "UK Melons" which hardly seems relevant, so scratch that idea.
On the whole, then, we've not really got much in the way of compelling evidence that he is an alien, but he seems to know so much about it that perhaps he's colluding with them and trying to throw us off the scent.
If there's no INQ updates next week, that'll be us in the unmarked helicopters. Send help. Or at least send crisps. µ
They see them rollin', they hatin'
Don't ask about the name. Seriously. Don't
Just download the official update and get back to your bloody Facetime
Follows fellow Russian Dimitry Belorossov into an American slammer