It is not often that I, Colonel Kitten, Protector of the Kernel, address you, the INQUIRER readers. But at this time of year, as I prepare the duty rota for keeping the latrines clean over the festive period, et dorsum, my thoughts turn to the year passed and the year to come.
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAGGOT I AM TRYING TO SPEAK TO THE READERS! DECLAWING IS NOT OUTLAWED IN THIS MANS ARMY!
Sorry. Where was I? Yes. The year. For the first time, I left the UK to see the wonders of Linuxcon and it made me proud to see so many members of the community protecting the kernel and using it to do such amazing things.
LINUX WILL REIGN! YOU HEAR ME?
It was good to hear that a lot of the high-ranking members of the army believe that there’s a future for Linux on the Desktop. Our enemies may try and take us but I believe that…
WHAT? YES, PRIVATE, YOU CAN PUT THE A-TEAM ON IN THE MESS, BUT IF YOU DISTURB ME AGAIN ITS YOU GETTING ON A GODDAM PLANE!
Today, I briefed the team on what Commander Torvalds has said is the biggest update to the Linux Kernel since manoeuvres began, covering 22.3m lines of code.
Version 4.9 includes new greybus support, which has a lot of the commits and given that it relates to Google’s Project Ara, which is in flux, it’s not quite sure why my paperwork is stopping me from dealing with my insubordinate platoon.
However, let’s take a moment to sip a festive cup of Eggnog with liver and go over the main points.
A number of fixes have been added for DRM on Intel processors, which will make Hollywood very happy. ARM devices are also represented with 28 new ones supported and support for the Raspberry Pi Zero top of the li….
OF COURSE THERE’S A MOSTLY DEAD BIRD IN THE MESS, PRIVATE! YOU’RE CATS! DEAL WITH IT! NEXT YOU’LL BE ASKING ME TO CATCH SPIDERS!
Erm… there’s the addition of VMapped Stacks which will improve security, and memory protection keys have also been implemented, along with some improvements to several file systems.
Commander Torvalds has pointed out that Kernel 4.10 is due on Christmas Day, and as such he will not be making a final version.
"I will certainly stop pulling on the 23rd at the latest, and if I get roped into xmas food prep, even that date might be questionable," he told me.
Why he can’t get his staff to do it, I shall never know. My lot will be hard at work on Christmas Day, though I have promised them a three hour run in Santa hats if they’re good.
So, in the meantime, it only remains for me to wish you a very Happy Festive Season, knowing that the kernel is protected and in good hands. Thank you fo…
I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE PRIVATE, PUT THE GLASS OVER THE SPIDER, SLIDE A PIECE OF CARDBOARD UNDERNEATH AND LIFT!
I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVEN’T GOT OPPOSABLE THUMBS….
Excuse me… µ
"This is certainly one of the stranger styles I've read for linux kernel release candidate announcements. :)" - Wireball, INQ Commenter
Or it could be... you know... they just sold out
Liberties and EDRi created a landslide support letter
Choose your headshot carefully
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