APPLE HAS announced a coffee table book in which the firm self-indulgently plunders its archive for photos of its history.
Designed by Apple in California covers products from 1998's iMac, and is dedicated to Steve Jobs, a man who once said: "If you see a stylus, they BLEW it."
The book finishes with the Apple Pencil stylus, launched in 2015, four years after his death.
Shot by photographer Andrew Zuckerman in "a deliberately spare style" (i.e. lots of empty space), every copy has been hand painted by Trappist monks of a high holy order that is allowed to speak only if moved to by an announcement at WWDC.
The paper is made from the wings of dragonflies, said to increase potency in all who touch it, while the binding is made from the product of a particular silkworm that grows only at exactly 14,366.7ft. It is believed that the only five in existence all have passkey cards for the offices in Cupertino. They will never use them.
The ink is made from a mixture of squid ink and mānuka honey, while the dot of each letter 'i' is made of a strand of Steve Jobs' DNA in the hope that one day users will be able to create their own turtleneck-wearing genius.
Each photograph has been hand developed by the National Portrait Gallery restoration team and then hand painted with accents of gold leaf.
Hang on a minute.
Apparently, all of the above is not true. We just saw the price tag of £249 (you could buy a laptop and a tablet for that) and assumed.
It’s custom dyed paper, gilded matte silver edges, eight colour separations and low-ghost ink, bound in linen. The hardcover version was developed over eight years (how? Was it aged in rum barrels or something?).
SERIOUSLY? TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY QUID FOR A SELF-CONFESSED HALF EMPTY BOOK? THERE ARE KIDS IN THE WORLD DRINKING DIRTY WATER AND APPLE WANTS £249 FOR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A NOTEBOOK WITH PHOTOS IN THE MARGINS. I MEAN ... AAAAAAAARGH!
Give us £5 and access to a photocopier and we’ll make you a book. That’s insane! Apparently, there’s a small edition for £169. Which is still enough for a laptop. In fact, go to Keepod. That same £249 could fund 45 used laptops to be converted into Android computers for use in the developing world.
But, you know, if you want to get robbed blind for Christmas it's on sale in Apple Stores, like the newly refurbished fairy grotto in Regent Street, along with a display copy for you to spill ice cream and spittle on. We rather suggest you do. µ
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Could also make them waterproof, well.. kinda
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