ROCKSTAR GAMES told everyone that it was going to reveal Red Dead Redemption 2 at 4pm today, but as usual, the company chose instead to display a variety of graphic vistas and show us absolutely nothing.
Games reporters across the globe, as with GTA V's unveiling in November 2011, will now be scratching their heads to concoct feature-length trailer analyses, sombrely referring to Sergio Leone and skimming Wikipedia's entry on The Magnificent Seven to try to connect some dots and look as intellectually worthy as Rockstar seems convinced its games are.
The rest of us have enjoyed looking at a bunch of well-lit fields, wildlife, blacksmiths and such.
Red Dead Redemption 2 is the first Rockstar open world game on Xbox One and PS4. It obviously won't be setting up to disappoint, and we now have one minute and eight seconds of footage to prove it.
The trailer also contains a male voice saying: 'Listen to me. When the time comes, you gotta run and don't look back.'
At this point, we could speculate wildly on who speaks these words, but more importantly to whom? Rockstar clearly wants us to think it's a younger version of Red Dead Redemption player character John Marston: his son or (if the game's set further back in time) his dad. Well, wouldn't that be a thing huh?
We've decided, however, that the protagonist may as well be Horatio Bilberry, a novelty spurs salesman from the town of Ole' Man's Saucer.
Where will Horatio's adventures take him? Will he ride a well-rendered horse, shoot down lots of crows, get harassed by coyotes and endless processions of people pretending to be in trouble only to rob him?
Will he take part in carefully staged, but ultimately repetitive, shootout sequences cribbed from the very finest spaghetti westerns die-hard gamers and 'film buffs' will profess to have watched, but haven't really? You're darn tootin' he will!
Stay tuned for more drip-fed information of little consequence from Rockstar before a proper trailer drops in about a year's time and settles a few more arguments on forums, while starting five times as many more. µ
This weeks in-brief Google News
To replace them with younger models
Security firm warns that IoT devices are the next target
But don't go expecting any new MacBooks