ERM. HELLO. I’m really sorry. We’ve tried to wake Colonel Kitten but he’s sound asleep. A group of us tried tying a bunch of sticks together to make a poking device so we could wake him up from far enough away to avoid his flailing claws, but the problem with a platoon made up of cats is we’re a bit short on opposable thumbs.
I suppose I should introduce myself. I’m Private 78523 Benjamin Carly Rae Jepsen-Calico-Smith. I’m not very important to the platoon. I’m new, you see, but all the other cats have gone to the Furball and Bucket and said I have to stay here. And Commander Torvalds has been on the line with special instructions.
Basically, he’s closed the kernel window for RC1 of Linux 4.9 early. And the Colonel is asleep. I bet he’s going to make it my fault.
The Commander said: "I usually do the releases on a Sunday afternoon, but occasionally cut the merge window short by a day just to keep people on their toes, and make sure people learn not to send in last-minute pull requests. No gaming the merge window to the last day. This is one such release.”
What a leader. I long to sit at his table at dinner and hear of his many victories. But right now, what to do? Every time I try to wake the Colonel he says something like 'Not tonight, Marjorie, I’ve had too much catnip,' and starts snoring again.
Oh, dear. I am for the high jump.
I know he’s off his guard at the moment. After all, this is only a release candidate. But a soldier should always be ready. He taught us that. Right before our mistress picked him up, shoved him in her jumper and called him Mr Fluffy Bundle.
Anyway, apparently, this is quite big. I don’t get all the details, but rumour is that Commander Torvalds has committed some code from Google’s Project Ara dossier. That was going to be a secret weapon. A modular phone, apparently. But I wouldn’t know about that kind of thing being just a private.
But I hear talk from the other kittens of something called Greybus, a hardware protocol that was designed to provide Unipro with a sane application layer.
They say it can be tunneled into existing cores to control hardware. Imagine the power of a weapon like that!
But, of course, that could all be stories. We hear a lot of stories about the kernel. And the Colonel for that matter. But that’s for another time. I’d better go now. I’m supposed to be on watch. And I need to work out how I am going to break this news to old shouty-britches without him having me declawed. µ
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