AS REGULAR as a series of squitty bowel movements after a jalfrezi from a 'restaurant' you found on the internet that could deliver at 3am but you'd never actually heard of before, GWX is back.
KB3035583, aka GWX, Microsoft's black comedy malware for Windows 7 and 8 users, is back in the 'Recommended' patch list for your automatic 'Hey, I hid that one. Where's it come from now?' downloading pleasure.
Of course, because that's how it was billed to us, and for that one shining moment during 2014-2015, Microsoft was actually being nice, so we trusted that it was what they said it was.
Since then Microsoft has become more and more like a student in a bright orange flack jacket trying to get you to give £3 to aid demented homeless orca cancer civil rights victims when all you want to do is get from the bank to Superdrug to Lidl without signing your life away.
Most recently the trick was to 'helpfully' schedule the update and gleefully tell you how lucky you were, but without telling you it had decided after 30 years to turn the 'X' dismiss button into an 'agree' button.
Microsoft has now stepped back from that by telling people what it's done, and technically still is doing.
So, in short, if you're thinking about not thinking about not upgrading from Windows 7 to Windows 10, remember that if you've thought about turning off GWX and then decided to, it may not be turned off because Microsoft has decided to turn it back on again, and if you've uninstalled it Microsoft's decided to reinstall it even if you told it not to.
Once it's installed, it'll ask if you want to install Windows 10. If you decide that you don't want to install Windows 10, it will offer you a convenient time to install Windows 10 anyway.
If you decide you don't want to install Windows 10 your options are Install Windows 10 or 'X', but remember that Install Windows 10 means Install Windows 10, and 'X' means Install Windows 10.
But there is a third option, probably hidden in a microdot on the 'i' of the word 'excited', that will allow you to opt out until next month when it will install GWX one last time unless, of course, it decides to come up with a better way to fuck you over in the meantime.
(And breathe) Whoever thought of this idea, and the evil variations thereof, you, sir, are an ass hat and we sincerely hope that GWX is written on your tombstone so people can track down your grave and leave all their unwanted PCs on it. µ
Doubtful anyone will notice
Could your next colleague be a bot?
Remove the tech or face the courts, threaten privacy advocates
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