LANGUAGE AND TECH move at pretty different speeds. While some words catch on annoyingly quickly ('selfie'), often we're left grasping for a good term for a new and hard-to-explain thing. What do we call Siri and Alexa, for instance? The current mashup term 'voice assistants' is kind of fine, but it's not very catchy. Who's in charge of naming these things?
Without an authority to decide on tech terms, we end up with archaic-sounding nouns like 'videogames' and downright cringeworthy ones like - ugh - 'dongle.' And worse, when no one comes up with a term, sometimes the brand name becomes the generic: most people call any tablet an 'iPad,' for instance.
In short, then, we need someone to be in charge of tech language. And we've got eight awkwardly nameless things for them to get started with - our godawful suggestions are never going to go mainstream.
The feeling of having gone to a page or app with the intent to search for something, but instantly forgetting what it was. Can sometimes be rectified by going back to the previous tab and scanning for whatever prompted the thought, but not always. Sometimes you never remember.
Example sentence: "Ah man, I meant to look that up earlier but the phone rang and I forgoogled it."
Something said aloud during normal conversation that sets off Amazon Echo, because it sounds a bit like 'Alexa' (or your wake word of choice).
Example sentence: "I said 'she always corrects, uh, my spelling' and it set Alexa off. Better add it to the list of Dexters."
The feeling of blinding fury you get when you click or tap on something, but the page is still loading and by the time the click processes, it's changed into something else and you get taken there instead. It's making us angry just thinking about it.
Example sentence: "Every damn time I search for someone on Twitter, I get pagerage. What is UP with that UX?"
An e-reader stuffed with books you bought and downloaded but never read. This makes even less sense than hoarding physical media, because at least you can impress people with your well-stocked bookshelf. Who's charmed by an overstuffed Kindle library?
Can also be applied to people who download hundreds of book samples but never buy the full book.
Example sentence: "Of course I have The Tipping Point. It's in my Whybrary."
Sometimes caused by a...
A free sample of a digital book that contains none of the actual book. Usually consists of a billion long forewords, forewords to the foreword, preludes and wanky poems the author wanted you to read before the actual content.
By the time you turn to page one, you're redirected to: "We hope you enjoyed this sample. Now buy the full book, freeloader."
Example sentence: "I'm not paying a tenner to find out if 50 Shades is as bad as everyone says. I tried to read the first few pages but it's just a hample."
A completely useless Google Image Search result. Like when you reverse-search someone you know is using fake pics on a dating site, and get a result like "haircut" or "person." Cheers Google.
Example sentence: "I've tried reverse searching but all I'm getting is welps."
The feeling of vague panic you get when there's an empty space on your home screen and you can't for the life of you remember what's supposed to be there.
The change undertaken by an emoji in being sent from iOS to Android or vice-versa. Can cause some seriously misinterpreted meanings. Particularly acute on Samsungs.
Example sentence: "I replied to his sext with a yawn but it's transphoned into a flirty face, HELP ME."
Got any more? Put 'em in the comments. µ
Take that parcel thieves. Actually no, don't
Litter Tray Bien
It's the U2 debacle all over again