RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'm riled, now.
Once again I stuck my neck above the parapet and once again you miserable lot tear off my opinion and try to beat me to death with the soggy end.
I do not believe in the Nintendo Switch. I do not believe it makes sense on either paper or in the cold, hard, death-grip of reality. I'm not "bashing Nintendo" or being paid by Sony. God, but I wish I were being paid by Sony. I'm also not being fed my opinions by some bloke in a pinstripe suit upstairs, cackling while he throws piles of coins at interns and repeatedly screams "Dance for me!".
I just don't like the thing, okay?
And now, especially to annoy* those who called me a "millenial yuppie" [sic] or said I'm "like one of those racists", or that I don't "provide a benefit to society", here's a sparkling list of seven things Nintendo did much, much better than the Switch.
*Not really. It's published in the sincere hope you'll understand just how badly ole Ninty has lost the plot this time around. Just remind yourself how good ideas lead to good business.
7. Nintendo Gamecube
Winning strategy: Just being normal
Let's start as we mean to go on, shall we? I can already imagine Mr "zero chance of it being a flop" dude from the comments section grinding his Weetos angrily over this one.
But the Gamecube deserves a nod because it's the nearest darn thing Nintendo managed to produce in the post-PlayStation world to a normal, everyday console. Alright, apart from the weird carrying handle thing.
But as a result, the company almost got away with taking on the PS2 and Xbox.
Early first-party support was close to immaculate, with early-doors disappointments of no core Mario game instead bringing us the now-classic Luigi's Mansion, and Super Mario Sunshine not far behind. Rare of all people brought us a Star Fox game. Mario Kart Double Dash stuck an intriguing two-player co-op mode into the mix, and from Star Wars to Resident Evil IV to Silicon Knights' Beyond Good and Evil, exclusive third-party support was strong, with a lot of generic cross-console stuff from the likes of EA and Sega making the cut, too.
In fact, Microsoft's Xbox only outsold the Gamecube by two million units across its lifespan. Probably because it ended up considerably cheaper due to flagging sales, but a sale is a sale.
Next: Watch this
More news-in-brief from the house of Google
US chip maker will be helping to develop both the console's CPU and GPU
Plus some VR stuff and some new borkage for good measure
That includes across all its factories, office buildings, and operational facilities