We'll leave you to make the obvious joke...
The top 10 stories from the past seven days
Because nobody was using them, apparently
Good news for drivers, and those too lazy to pick up their phone
Microsoft follows Apple with crack down on emulation software
Firm agrees pay back £56m over 'accidental' purchases
iOS 10.3 confirms that a 32-bit app cull is coming
Social network yanks support for Windows Phone 8.1
Deal hints at deep automation in iOS
Even dinkle pics couldn't save the Snapchat clone
What kind of animal would do such a thing?
Feature will let companies talk to users for the first time
Nothing is sacred. But don't call them adverts.
First Freddos, now this
Will also require users to be 'closely monitored'
Bean-counters beware, blockchain's after your job
Turns the whole browser business on its side
Green Screen of Death declared 'safe to dive' by Olympic officials
But users moan that app is buggy and lacking in functionality
Firm poaches Amazon Prime Air exec to lead the effort
You can take Frank Underwood, Pablo Escobar and Lorelai Gilmore anywhere you go
If you really feel that you must
God, r u ok hun?
Firm will reportedly lower its usual 30 per cent fee to 15 per cent
It's only taken seven years
Hey Siri, Pay my Bill, Bill, Bill
Update also brings GIF editor and Live Photos support
Gameroom may also challenge Steam
Nor will it be available in the UK anytime soon
But don't worry, Windows Vista Desktop is still supported
Go home, appendage. You are drunk
Make a note to update Evernote
But Facebook warns it won't work on non-touchscreen devices
But only in the US for now
But users won't get their hands on them until next year
Allo Allo Allo, what's all this then?
Group tagging feature means you'll never miss a meme
iOS 10 upgrade means you can now answer calls from the lock screen too
VBScript fix is especially important, warn researchers
Firm is having its equivalent of a Facebook friend clear out
It might, it might not
More ham-fisted fun with everyone's favourite spreadsheet
Anti-piracy ops becoming worse than their targets
Firm finds another way to push its software on unsuspecting users
Developers given 18 months to start from scratch
Gotta catch 'em all