I AM, AT MY CORE, something of a moaner.
Nothing is ever quite right for me. If I buy shoes one will rub and I will moan. If I have to queue in the supermarket I will moan, and if anyone mentions the Post Office experience to me I have been known to pass out from sheer frustration.
An example of how much I enjoy moaning is my Xbox. I've had it for six years, I reckon. It makes a hellish noise, has a battery pack the size of a luxury Smurf coach, and won't recognise disks.
It's been like that for years. I have endured it, I think, simply to give myself something to complain about it. And boy, do I complain about it.
"Shut up", I yell, while it hums and fails to recognise a disk. "Work, goddang you! Work!" It doesn't listen.
It is a fairly inanimate object and no one, other than me, really even cares if it exists. I imagine that I could call up Microsoft over in Redmond and wax painfully about my Xbox experience and no one would do anything about it. I mean, why would they?
This, my broken Xbox and my inability to do anything about it other than complain, is the story of the modern day, either do something about it or shut up. Well, Microsoft, I am doing something about it.
I expect you readers imagine me as some balding, bearded scribe sitting in a darkened room hunched over a keyboard. Usually you would be correct, and I must say here that there are no prizes for making that assumption.
This week, though, I have taken on a different look. I have gelled my hair - more smoothed it down in my case - put on braces to hold my trousers up, and donned the smoothest, softest loafers I could find. This week, you see, I am an investor.
What I have invested in is Gamestick, the Android based pocket sized games console that was running on Kickstarter earlier this year.
We didn’t see that one coming
Sargent Bash is about to know his enemy
And now they are being traded in Russia
So it's not really come to Android at all as such