THE WHITE HOUSE has responded to the petition that requested the deportation of Canadian chanteur Justin Bieber, but unfortunately for voters it said it will not act on it.
It objected to his exuberance and asked if he might be encouraged to indulge himself and his whims on his home turf, that being Canada.
"We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture. We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive, and drug abusing, Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked," it read.
"He is not only threatening the safety of our people but he is also a terrible influence on our nation's youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society."
The petition went live in January this year and very easily picked up the 100,000 signatures that are needed to elicit an official response. The White House raised this barrier after a petition to build a Death Star reached the 'official consideration' threshold of 25,000.
Ultimately the Bieber petition pulled in 273,968 signatures, which is almost three times the tipping point. Popularity outside the White House does not always translate to popularity inside the White House though - see again the Death Star - and the government will disappoint Bieber non-fans, and presumably his immediate neighbours.
"Sorry to disappoint, but we won't be commenting on this one. The We the People terms of participation state that, 'to avoid the appearance of improper influence, the White House may decline to address certain procurement, law enforcement, adjudicatory, or similar matters properly within the jurisdiction of federal departments or agencies, federal courts, or state and local government in its response to a petition'," it said in its update. "So we'll leave it to others to comment on Mr Bieber's case."
There follows an appeal for immigration reform and a request that punters let it know what they think of its response. Good luck with those. µ