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Microsoft releases a cloud rap, and so do we

C-rap
Thu Oct 11 2012, 12:04
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SOFTWARE TINKERER Microsoft has released a video in which a rapper raps about Azure cloud very fast.

Microsoft's rapper is called Noclue, and we won't comment on that. He's definitely fast and he is definitely talking about the cloud in glowing terms.

The video has something to do with a competition, we think. We cannot be sure. "Prove YOUR fast for the chance to win a trip to Vegas and track time in some of the world's fastest cars!" says Microsoft.

It might mean, "prove you are fast," but it doesn't say that. So, perhaps we have to prove that our goat is fast, or our car is fast? We've left a Youtube comment asking that. It is pending approval. In the meantime, we will be kind and assume that what Microsoft, a firm with millions to spend on marketing meant was "prove you're fast".

It looks like it does. Some people have uploaded clips of themselves to a related Microsoft website in which they discuss how the cloud has made them fast.

We've had a look. We had to install a more up to date version of Silverlight to do it, but we did, because we are thorough like that. It might spare you from having to do it.

What did we learn? We learned that some people are keen on winning trips to Las Vegas and that some people will vote on anything.

Noclue, who we are told is a Guinness record holder, raps too fast for us to keep up. Fortunately Microsoft has reproduced his rap so that we can try to rap along. We repeat some of it here.

"Somebody better... stop me, wait a minute... they're not me, Windows Azure got my back can't stop me, now... watch me, scaling web applications so promptly, organizing everything in a platform cloud, keeping everything together floating around, moving at the speed of light never slowing us down, comprise three recourses holding it down, SaaS, software, PaaS, platform, IaaS, infrastructure, together at last, we're thinking outside the box, staring though Windows, secured in a Microsoft data center, files send those, hosting storage see they commend those, management compute, that's Azure Windows."

We are no slouches, and although no one asked and there is no prize involved we thought that we might do our own cloud rap. So here you go.

"Hey, you, you at university,
You want reliance and security?
Use a USB key, or your mummy,
tell her your passwords, Not me,
I'll only write them down, in a filey,
I'll leave it on the bus, or in a Wimpy.

I'm a third party, can you trust me?
As well as your family? Or your doggy?
I'll probably sell you, to a fourth party,
So they can market thee, and advertise to thee,
While paying me, most highly.

We'll have a party, at your expense see,
We've got your credit cards,
From a man, on a jetski.
He's very friendly. Except to you see,
But you paid him, very handsomely.

So if you ask me what do i see,
I see opportunity, to make money,
doing things that, you could do for free.
So perhaps just ignore me, and more secure be,
keep things close to home, under your settee.

Buy a big dog, keep a strict log,
Write a good blog, life's a hard slog,
Try and keep fit, go for a jog,
Look after yourself, and your data,
Remember most of all, don't be a player hater."

And we out.. Audi 5000. Word to the mother. µ

 

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