RESEARCH IN MOTION (RIM) has released a love song for the developers that stuck by it, and - there's no other way to put this, sadly - it is simply awful.
Why has it done this? We don't know. We can only assume that someone at RIM is earning too much money and is surrounded by too many people that agree with whatever they might think to say, even if it's ridiculous. How this got any further than the whiteboard is anyone's guess. But it did.
The song, a cover of REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Loving You", appeals to those people that develop for the Blackberry and changes up the famous, bearable lyrics for a song that makes you wish you had been born without ears.
It's embedded below, but as we've warned you, you will not unsee or unhear this. Apparently it was played to developers at the Blackberry Jam event, but the firm has also published it to Youtube. We can only wonder why. Does it imagine that this will help it compete with Apple and the Iphone 5, all the many Android smartphones, or even Microsoft's Windows Phones? Maybe it can. In a parallel universe.
The lyrics are subtitled, perhaps to give deaf people a chance to loathe them.
"And we're gonna keep on lovin' you... Our updated SDK is really cool.. The APIs complete.. We just want to keep on lovin' you" is a sample. They are all around that level. We'll spare you any more.
Alec Saunders, VP of developer relations, takes the microphone for the lyrics. Christopher Smith, VP of application platform and tools, is on guitar. And Martyn Mallick, VP of global alliances and business development, is on keyboard.
The rest of the band is not named, perhaps because they are professional musicians and are concerned about the disastrous effect this gig might have on their reputations and careers.
We aren't totally heartless, so we took the time to come up with some alternate songs for the RIM guys to cover. We'll start with Kraftwerk's Autobahn, where we thought they could sing, "Wir fahren fahren fahren, fahren fahren fahren (repeat several times), we are also runs...".
Alternatively, there is some room in a Spice Girls cover, such as, "We'll tell you what you want, what you really, really want, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna really, really, really wanna Blackberry. Ah."
Meanwhile, the Beatles could be assaulted with "Blackberry phones forever", and the Rolling Stones given a nod by "I can't get no... market action".
You get the idea. Feel free to join in below in the comments. The possibilities are endless. µ
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