Vertu comes out with a luxury smartphone

MOBILE PHONE HANDSET manufacturer Vertu has released its first smartphone, a very shiny, flashy gewgaw that should amuse professional footballers and insensitive hedge fund managers.

Vertu said today that despite the fact that there is the chance of a return to recession, people - read gits - have a burning desire to throw insane amounts of money at expensive things.

Such items, it said, include high peformance cars, tailor made suits, bespoke goods and mobile phones, presumably. Helping these people to take their minds off charitable donations and social responsibility, the firm has released its Constellation Quest handset.

Vertu's Constellation Quest might sound like a film released in the 1970s to capitalise on the success of Star Wars, but it's not. It is a smartphone designed to "seamlessly complement and enhance a discerning lifestyle", by combining "unparalleled luxury services" with business tools. Vertu added that it has an "unmatched attention to detail in design and materials", but by that time we were out of the room and on our way to go throw up.

Each handset has been built by one technician who, the firm said, signs the unit personally. Under this signature users will find a sapphire crystal screen, for clarity and durability as opposed to bragging rights, and a casing formed from surgical grade stainless steel. This, Vertu said, is complemented by automotive grade leather.

All in this adds up to £18,000 worth of handset that looks like a Blackberry that's been run through Lady Gaga's reality distortion field.

The firm showed off the handset in a Youtube video presented by president Perry Oosting. He's got a great name, but a ridiculously and outrageously expensive phone. µ