We beg to disagree
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Apple books a hall for another press event
THE FRUIT THEMED seller of broken Ithings, Apple is calling up the faithful for another hysterical, 'magical' religious experience, or product release as the rest of the world calls them.
According to Reuters, Apple has booked a hall in San Francisco for a press event on 1 September.
Well, we say press event, but Apple only invites those who will give Steve Jobs a standing ovation and write glowing things about what ever he says is "super, cool and magical". Press with any objectivity, or immune to Jobs' infamous reality distortion field like us don't get invited.
Traditionally announcements made in September are Ipod related. However since this is silly season we will provide our predictions of things that could come out of it, as well as our list of things that will not happen at the event.
Possible
1. Release of a new Ipod Touch model that will make all existing Ipods have to be replaced. One idea is that it will have a camera.
2. Information on the next generation IPad that will have all those things that users actually want, other than Flash.
3. An Ipad mini that will be slightly smaller than the Ipad but does not require a weightlifter's shoulders to hold for longer than five minutes.
4. Details of the ITV service that will offer an episode of your favourite programme for 99 cents. But content will only include those programmes that Steve Jobs deems suitable for family viewing. Not the Addams family of course, more Pat Boone's family.
Unlikely
1. Steve Jobs apologises to users for shipping a broken Iphone 4 and promises a recall for a new model.
2. Jobs admits that security on Apple products is so backward that it belongs in the 1970s and promises to fix it.
3. Apple agrees to allow jailbreaking of its products and says it is sorry for trying to control users' lives too much.
4. Steve Jobs announces that he is leaving Apple after running off with a soft-porn star who was doing his meet and greets at conferences.
5. Apple announces it is sorry for lowering the standards of the world by flogging over-priced gadgets and pretending they can make technically illiterate but nerdish kids appear successful.
6. Steve Jobs backs down on Flash and says sorry to users for keeping it off his machines and cutting them off from a large chunk of the Internet.
7. Price reductions on Apple products to match those of PCs with similar specs and an apology for ripping off users for so long.
8. Steve Jobs brings Larry Ellison on stage and gives him a big hug for suing Google over the Android OS, then calls him on an Iphone 4 and offers to buy him lunch.
9. Following advice from its Chinese partners, Apple announces that it will be installing nets all around its buildings in Cupertino. Since these are mostly one storey high we are not sure how much this will help.
10. A promise from Steve Jobs that he will no longer drive around in cars with no licence plates and will stop parking in disabled parking spaces.
We look forward to seeing what happens. µ
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Nick, thats one of better articles, good thought out reasons. Did U STop Drinking?
First thought: Jobs changes name to Nick Ferral, ?As Nick Gets ALL Chicks. ALL of GOODS Are Possible & .99 cent iTV been in computing public sector, Now national News, might be show, with few gizmos to boot. Really iHoped to see Stephens Scar from Pancreas Thangee' or Pancreas' In Bottle. Wow. Remember Saying: There are camp fired legends that fell to Flames man Sword. Flame On.
Heres real reason flameing Nicks Applette. Daneile on Wed next will be Striking Madeleine Islands or North by 100 miles. 800 miles from spain & close enough to England to be threat, on Wed Cat1 should remain or 80 MPH & traveling Northeast rapidly. Get those camera iPhones,iPods & iPads Ready, Expected that Mary Poppins on Bicycle Will Be Amoung Storm clouds. Well thats ALL for Now. Talkin' Week from now. check portable radio batteries. Batten Down Hatches. Flame Steve With Instant Messages.
vondrashek md
...but Nick's shoulders aren't big enough to use one for more than 5 minutes.
Remember that scene in Napoleon Dynamite when Summer's boyfriend is watching the sign-language club do their thing? I'd describe it but you have to see it to get the proper effect.
That's how I imagine Nick Ferrel at an Apple conference - except he'd be right!
Nick Farrell you're wrong, wrong, wrong!
As a transplant recipient and on medication permanently, Steve qualifies as disabled and is allowed to use those parking spaces.
(Note to fanbois: this is a joke)
Had me in stitches... thanks for brightening up this dull and grey lunch time.
so once again - objectivity and INQ != true
Yeah right, like that's going to happen!
Good luck Apple in trying to release a product in the UK called iTV ... I think a certain commercial television company might have a few objections . . .
lolz :)