Microsoft wants to meet an Apple fanboi

... to have its internal Apple fans. Seriously, there is much to admire about Apple as a tech company, and probably the best of their approach is in how they do product design as an integrated thing encompassing both hardware and software and led by design rather than tech.

And that's also at the heart of why people who often aren't into other computers do connect with Macs - they're colourful, well-designed, have the minimum amount of user-visible complexity, most things "just work", and are fun to explore. Now if only Apple weren't so up-tight and precious about 'their platform'.

Nevermind, I'm sure the rest of the industry will catch on eventually.

The problem I have with maintaining 'Apple hate' as we Wintel fans love to do, is the 'Dad & Mum' test.

I've set my old man up with a Windows XP computer that is configured to be very friendly to use. I've got disc images he can restore to if he has a virus, automated external backups, and a very streamlined well performing custom-built PC with only quality components. He's been using PC's for the last 15 years pretty much. But I still get support calls from him asking me what various errors mean, what x and y is, and why his printer does not print anything for no reason he can think of, and then starts again for no reason he can think of.

Getting my Mum to try and use a PC has been frustrating. She seems to try hard to pick it up, but she just forgets and it doesn't seem to 'stick'. It's almost like speaking an alien language to her. She's a very successful potter who does artistic pottery and painting, and she thinks in colors and shapes. She has her own small business making vases and pots and interpretive art etc.

I bought a Mac Pro off a mate for a really good price, and stored it at my parents place. I set it up just to check that it works, and left it there. The last thing I wanted to do was kick-start the headache of trying to explain to my parents what a 'Mac' was, and how to use it...

I pointed my dad at the tutorials on the Mac website after he asked what this strange shiny computer was, and told him seriously not to bother me about it as I just don't have time to train him on a new platform.

I get a call from MY MUM a few weeks later asking me if she could 'get on the internet' on my Mac. I'm like, "err, Mum, but you don't know how to turn a computer on!?" She's like "yeah but this one looks so pretty, I wanted to have a look at it."

Anyway, fast forward a month - MY MUM has TAUGHT HERSELF how to use my Mac Pro inside of 4 weeks OF HER OWN VOLITION and she's ENJOYING IT. My Dad is GETTING MUM TO TEACH HIM how to use the Mac!!

Once Dad found Ms Office on the Mac, he wants to buy an iMac. Mum is making photo albums and is working on making herself a pottery webpage!

I'm shocked. Disturbed even... my parents don't give a sh*t about Microsoft vs Apple. The fact they've taken to the Mac completely of their own free will and (especially Mum) is learning it so quickly and intuitively beggars my belief. I can't hardly comprehend it. Mum has taught herself how to use my Mac Pro via the tutorials on the Apple site. That says volumes in itself right there.

I have to agree with everyone in here. I used to be owning microsoft softwares for over 15 years, OS and everything. I saw 3.1, 95, 98, 2000, XP, Vista and 7 and used to hate Apple a lot. Today I own a MacBook Pro, that I actually bough a week ago. I have to say, it's the best computer I've ever owned.

There is many ways to see it. I totally agree with "Aigarius".
You kinda pay a lot for the hardware-software, but right out of the box, a Mac can do much more things than a PC, and is much more user friendly. It just depends on your lifestyle.

For example: I used to be that guy who knew every Services that was running in background on my WinXP machine, made sure every un-necessary starup items were unselected from the startup list, tweaked a few registry shit here and there. But now, I have a MB Pro, and I don't even know how much free ram I have - that is because I don't really care anymore; I just want to do my basic stuff, and do worry about anything else.

I've never replied to a Mac vs. Window war before, but I have to say, I moved to a Mac, and 15yr on Windows, vs the 1-2 weeks I've been on my Mac......... OMG, I love my mac... I'm not going back.

Microsoft has been too focused on the corporate market and the geeks that have already figured out how a computer is really working - all those folders, files and control panels and antiviruses and firewalls. Now that cutting edge geeks have moved on to Linux (including Android and Ubuntu), the Microsoft mindshare is starting to go down, because (like it or not) geeks today decide what everyone else will be using in 10 years.

That's why Microsoft is trying to get the market of the people that are influenced not by geeks, but rather by designers - the middle class people that DON'T WANT to understand how computers work. But that market is already dominated by Apple.

They are not dumb. Apple users typically earn much more and can afford the luxury items that Apple products are, so that they don't have to spend their time understanding them and can just use them. Apple users don't really care about any Microsoft 'gifts', because those will not fit into their lifestyle (well, maybe a keyboard). Microsofts tablets were just overpriced notebooks, that never did anything well. Apple made a product that does a limited number of things, but does them excellently for a fraction of a price of an ultralight tablet.

Apple users might not get out much, because they are busy - these are mostly working professionals near the top of the middle class.

You'd also be surprised of the marketshare that iPhone has among the female smartphone users - the number of female users of WinMo or even Android are pretty slim in comparison.

Some people just have better things in life than spending time trying to understand a control panel or a task manager. And sometimes such people have enough spare money to pay more, so that they don't have to.

INTERNAL MEMO - MICROSOFT MARKETING DIVISION

FROM: Steve B.

RE: Apple fanaticism

After extensive analysis of Apple's market performance and domination of their customers' thoughts and finances, the following steps are recommended to copy and build on their proven psychological manipulation techniques:

1) INCREASE PRICES: Part of the dedication to Apple products has been shown to come from the justification of paying around 50% more than market price for similar devices. Therefore, ALL MICROSOFT PRODUCT PRICES WILL IMMEDIATELY BE INCREASED BY 50% to "capitalize" on the huge increase in sales this will produce.

2) DENIAL OF PROBLEMS: We have made the mistake in the past of admitting to the many problems and security issues with our products. This has apparently been interpreted as a sign of weakness by consumers, who prefer to pretend that nothing is wrong (as do Apple customers). Therefore, we will immediately start denying any and all warranty issues or problems with any Microsoft product.

3) FRUIT-THEMED NAME: Our marketing analysts and psychologists have noted after much research that EACH AND EVERY Apple product sold has a fruit logo on it. Our corporate name - "Microsoft" - does sound only a little-bit fruity. Therefore, we need a boost in fruitiness, and will form a new division with a refreshing, fruit-themed name. I came up with this name myself after thinking back to the money I earned as a kid selling refreshing lemon-aid to my mother and siblings. Welcome to LEMON - the new refreshing name for reliable, trendy, fruit-themed products. Everyone just nodded when I suggested this, so I know its Another Great Idea. LEMON phone, LEMON tablet, these LEMONS will sell like hotcakes! YAhOOO...WeeYoawwwee...I love this job!

All it requires is spending money and pretending that no further effort is required. -- Such as spelling and editing here, the poor quality of which detract from an otherwise good spew. (I'm inclined to think it genuine, sadly.)

But from frequent mentions of alcohol, you must put major efforts into drinking, and so I'm sure that alcohol plays a bigger role in your sense of feeling "sophisticated" than do Apple toys. -- Try vodka, as I'm led to believe that enough of it makes even M$ products look "sophisticated".

(Unprecedented 4th attempt to post here...)

Well I truly hope that you're kidding, but if you're not, I wouldn't like to be in the shoes of your father whose wallet gets assaulted whenever you desire to look a bit more cooler and sophisticated (e.g. when Apple launches another iPhone with a missing feature on the previous one).

I guess this is exactly the kind of specimen that M$ is looking for, and they aren't as rare as this article implies.

I can see how cool you are only by your typing style and that's exactly how I imagine a typical Apple fanboy. Oh I'm so jealous, if only I could type like you!

Again, if you're kidding, good job.

Any Microsoft tablets were at least 2 grand!! They all were just notebooks with a rotating screen with some having touch!!

So er Mr Fanboi, Sir: Do you - um - pitch or catch?

Yeah, they will give them a Kin for their trouble.

Apple fans, dumb! no brain! don't get out much! Really!

Microsoft users are lobotomised neaderthralls. They have no taste, no appreciate of the finesse, lager will do instead of Bollinger. Cheap and nasty instead of classy.

Xbox users are VIRGINS, there is a life outside of your bedarkened bedroom.

Linux users, the bearded types (and that's just the women) also VIRGINS who rather spend all day boring us with whatever (I was too bored to listen as I edged away from the miasma that passes for a Linux user's body odour) and get aroused at the thought of the latest kernel. These sados really need to get a life.

If microshaft was a SME of say, 30 people I would be impressed at its products. But with the resources it has and the size of the business it produces absolute shyte. It should have destroyed Apple and that abhoration that is Linux years ago. The fact that Apple and Linux survive is testament to MS incompetence. MS is also a debilitating illness, good parallel there.

Linux will never succeed because the freak geeks who develop for it don't think like 'normal' people in any semblance of reality.

I guess the anti-Apple lobby (inc. writers and most readers of the INQ) are just plain JEALOUS. JEALOUS that Apple users have cool toys that look cool, they are JEALOUS of Apple users being smug and cool and sophisticated. JEALOUS that they also could be smug, cool and sophisticated Apple users instead of intellectually challenged Microsoft neaderthralls who dribble and mutter incoherently into flat, watered down lager. All the while wishing they were really cool, smug and sophisticated, cappuccino drinking, alfresco wine bar patronising APPLE USERS.

Sorry RiseOfThheMachine, but I think you misunderstand - a regular guy who buys an aPple product is not a fanboi, he's just a customer. An aPple fanboi is someone who buys EVERYTHING from aPple and rabidly defends his irrational preference, usually by flaming Inq writers.

"**they make up for it on making the features work so well together in a simple and attractive way."

Indeed .. such as the Don't Hold It That Way (tm) ... the awesome ability to drop calls right in the middle of a call .... and who can forget the irreplaceable voice mail that arrives 5 hours after you phone someone 10m away and it was not connecting.

Or the ultra-reliable Wi-Fi connection .... as long as you are sitting on the router .. perfect .. just perfect

ahhh good times ... such workmanship money can't buy .. for everything else there is Microsoft ... 8)

The reason why apple products sell is because even though they have fewer features than other products they make up for it on making the features work so well together in a simple and attractive way. On top of that apple products just look cool.
Lets not forget stability and reliability (though some ipads/pods crash , apples excellent customer support is always keen to lend a helping hand). This a big debate but from my point of view a apple fanboi is a regular guy while PC users don't mind the complicated stuff-its just another learning curve-(my opinion is not based on the crazy adverts apple throws out. Apple products are easy to use, period).

Class, absolute class !!!