Ab-Fab touchscreen tips up from Versace

THE ITALIAN DRESS AND ACCESSORIES SHOP Versace, your actual fashion boutique, has gone all boo-tech with its launch of a "luxury touch screen and full-featured multimedia creation".

Put together by Modelabs but designed by bona Versace himself, the 'creation' will be flogged through exclusive watch and fine jewellery networks and Versace flagship boutiques worldwide from early June.

Having a vada through the press release, it turns out in the fifth paragraph that when Versace talks about his 'creation' he means your actual touchscreen phone.

What he has done is taken an LG 3G phone and built around it software an omi and palone would want when they are trolling up the tober to the ajax bungery for a few bevvies.

It runs a phone, 3G network, client e-mail, media player, full-powered 5-megapixel flash camera and netbook. But it is Versace dahling, so it must be good.

It has your actual Dolby mobile surround sound technology for high quality in ringtones, none of your crazy frog here. No. Versace's MP3 player can cope with 30 hours of playtime, if you know what I mean.

Dubbed the Versace Unique, because it is just fabuloso, it is crafted from the finest materials, hand-assembled in France, washed and prepared in larks vomit and built to the butch uncompromising standards of all Versace products.

None of your tatty Iphone styling. The jolly old eek is constructed from pure high-tech ceramic or handmade lacquers delicately framed with an 18K yellow gold finish or 316L grade stainless steel inlay.

The back is wrapped in the finest handcrafted leather, embossed with the Medusa head. It is damn hard to find a Medusa head these days, and the craftsmen have to be stoned to turn them into something useful.

It has a sapphire crystal screen that is the largest single piece of this high-tech material ever produced for consumers. Impossible to scratch, smooth and receptive, it provides ideal conductivity and precision control of the touchscreen phone interface, according to Versace.

Gian Giacomo Ferraris, CEO of Versace Group said he was excited, yes, excited about his Versace Unique. "We are particularly happy to be able to strengthen the offer of luxury accessories that complement our core fashion products in line with Versace`s DNA."

When we visited the Versace website to check the price, it appeared to be broken. We guess that if you are cheap enough to ask the price you can't afford it. µ