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Throwing a party the Microsoft way

Someone please spike the punch
Fri Sep 25 2009, 13:45

THE KIND OF PEOPLE who have decided to throw Windows 7 launch parties apparently are the kind of people who (a) need to be told what a party is, and (b) are insane, judging by a video that's just been released by Microsoft.

"You are running a normal party with Windows 7 as an honoured guest" says a host early on in the clip. Or, if you prefer, just before everything goes really weird. On what planet is that a normal party? Booze makes parties. Not operating systems.

The 'hosts' in the video, who look like Stepford people, include a black dude, a loveable geek, a soccer mom, and her mom. Although they are smiley and friendly, their glassy eyes apparently hide a basic contempt for humanity.

In fact they are so sceptical about your ability to function as a human being that they even have to remind watchers that in order to host a party about an operating system you should probably install it first. What's next? Reminding people to inhale and exhale as they move about, for if they don't they could die?

Other activities sound so boring that you can only imagine hosting such a party in a ward for the catatonic, or in some dank cell in a lunatic asylum.

If you do choose to have a Windows 7 launch party in your house, make sure to watch the helpful Microsoft 'how to' video well before your guests start arriving. Otherwise any early arrivals might choose to turn around and walk straight back out again.

Particularly if they overhear statements like, "You may want to try [some of the activities] but you have to make sure you have the right devices", or, "I let everybody fool around with 'snap' for a little while", coming from a Golden Girls lookalike. µ


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