- Thursday, 26 November 2009
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This is the sort of English up with which I shall not put - Winston Churchill
Throwing a party the Microsoft way
THE KIND OF PEOPLE who have decided to throw Windows 7 launch parties apparently are the kind of people who (a) need to be told what a party is, and (b) are insane, judging by a video that's just been released by Microsoft.
"You are running a normal party with Windows 7 as an honoured guest" says a host early on in the clip. Or, if you prefer, just before everything goes really weird. On what planet is that a normal party? Booze makes parties. Not operating systems.
The 'hosts' in the video, who look like Stepford people, include a black dude, a loveable geek, a soccer mom, and her mom. Although they are smiley and friendly, their glassy eyes apparently hide a basic contempt for humanity.
In fact they are so sceptical about your ability to function as a human being that they even have to remind watchers that in order to host a party about an operating system you should probably install it first. What's next? Reminding people to inhale and exhale as they move about, for if they don't they could die?
Other activities sound so boring that you can only imagine hosting such a party in a ward for the catatonic, or in some dank cell in a lunatic asylum.
If you do choose to have a Windows 7 launch party in your house, make sure to watch the helpful Microsoft 'how to' video well before your guests start arriving. Otherwise any early arrivals might choose to turn around and walk straight back out again.
Particularly if they overhear statements like, "You may want to try [some of the activities] but you have to make sure you have the right devices", or, "I let everybody fool around with 'snap' for a little while", coming from a Golden Girls lookalike. µ
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I got "honored" with this (free copy of win7. Yay!!). I conveniently scheduled mine at same time as Saints football game at about 4 pm, which means we will probably have been drinking since noon or before. I am not sure how interested in win7 they will be, but it should be lively!!! Go Saints!!!
The only reason they came out with 7 is because of netbooks. Then they omitted the only thing I liked about Vista, windows mail. Now you will have to install a whole other bunch of bloat the new mail.Or if you smart just use thunderbird.
If you post anything on the internet, enterprising minds will find it and improve upon it. I much prefer this version of the Microsoft party hosting video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyas7BrbUFY
Really Cool Parties Explore Frieghting NEW terms & Games. theREG Once Published list of INTEL names You Can Floate, Wiki Picked it Up:
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Haswell is the code name for a processor that is being developed by Intel and is the planned successor to Sandy Bridge. Haswell will be designed for the 22 nm manufacturing process, introduced with Ivy Bridge, and is planned for a commercial release in 2012. Haswell should be the first Intel x86-64 CPU to implement FMA (Fused Multiply-Add also known as Multiply-accumulate) instructions. Its' Really Cool Thing to Do. Mention i9 for even Blanker Stares.
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By Then They BEE weaping. Only Glob Knows so Much.
DRASHEK M.D. uummm, Is Drasher Spelled Right?
Well done mr David Neal, this made me laugh.
Maybe the Inq isn't dead yet?
You know we'll lose.
Where can I dig up some surrogates for the Microsod coming out do?
Scummers !!! Who's computers you borrowing ????
'sniff'..or not...Mine is the "Windows 7 Launch LAN" because what better way to break in a new OS but with a 30 hour fragfest. They give you 4 themes to choose from but I don't know what marketing imbecile left out a category for gamers. I chose the "media mania" theme because somehow "photopalooza", "set up with ease" and "family friendly fun" weren't very adequate for Call of Duty 4 and Left 4 Dead.
I am afraid I couldn't stomach watching that entire video clip (nor the rest of the assumedly-equally-moronic videos). And then there was the Microsoft award-winning "bing-goes-the-internet" video (say no more, right?).
But even here, I am sure there is a valuable lesson to be learned. Microsoft thinks people are so incredibly stupid and inept that they have to be told how to live out their pathetic lives in a way that maximally benefits Microsoft. They have such a low opinion of their "potential customers" that they produce insulting "instructional videos" like this.
Apparently we are just here to grin and give our money to them, while they tell us exactly how to "tell" others how to do the same. And all for a warmed-over service-pack of their last failure -- Vista -- which should have been provided free of charge to those who already lost hundreds of dollars on that trash.
Are some people's lives really so empty that they prostitute themselves in this manner? What would your friends think if you suddenly ask them over in order to expose them to predigested corporate propaganda, just because you are being bought-off with 10 cents worth of plastic in a DVD? I would suggest that this would be a great way to lose friends.
How do they verify if you actually held an "approved" party? Will they have an Internet site that asks people "is the launch party you attended legal?", and then ask them to rat you out for some similarly-insulting little trinket.
The whole thing is revolting, as is the corporation which spawned this drivel. At least open source does not insult your intelligence, or your value as a human being.
I've attended some Microsoft events before. They weren't "parties" but some preview sessions and such. The only reason I went was for the free goodies (free copy of Vista I can use as an upgrade license, etc.). It certainly wasn't for the sea of mid-thirties, half-balding IT dudes in dress shirts who were there for the content.
To that end, Microsoft's presentations are not bad, and the speakers are well informed and able to answer any questions. These Windows 7 "parties"--who knows what will happen, but if you give free stuff, they will come.
I'm guessing the majority of these "parties" will be on the order of "okay guys, stand over here so I can take a picture to 'prove' I hosted it." Then the remaining "real" party goes on, with nothing related to Windows. That's how I'd host it anyway.
Anyone know what's in this party pack? Is that the "win7 ultimate", or some strip down "home basic" (which is not worth of getting)?
And will they include a free PC too? Mine is a few years old, seems wouldn't survive the win7...
... the video that is!! It's the worst, most lame, sad, puke evoking advert/infotainment vid i've ever had the misfortune to see - i just couldn't force myself to watch more than a minute or two of it. WTF made MS think this was in anyway a good idea. More importantly, is there anyone on the planet who watched this and thought "Oooo, I want to put on a party, i'd better go get myself a copy of W7" ? If my life was in anyway represented by the people or ideas in that video i would do the world a favout and kill myself.
Getting back to the Inquirer basics. Constant humor and mockery, great story, keep these up.
P.S. What happened to all the nicknames? Damn voles buy our Inq?
They're taking a page from Linux distros. There are Fedora and Ubuntu launch parties and install parties with every release.
Scott, you're wrong, but it was kept in mind. Windows 7 is coming out because they botched Vista. It's just a big fix and user have to pony up to pay for it.
I'm running Windows 7 RC, right now, and I'll probably end up installing it at some point, but really don't use it much. I have 2 Linux distros installed and am going to install a 3rd. Linux is fascinating and fun. Windows is a headache. Which would you rather have?