Microsoft bribes Apple staff
MICROSOFT is apparently trying to recruit the legions of black shirted fanboys who work at Apple's stores with a really novel approach. It is planning to give them money.
While Apple executives, with the exception of St Steve Jobs, have gotten fatter on the wealth of the gizmo maker, the dosh that's rolled in has not translated into higher wages for store staff.
Like many religious groups, Apple expects its employees to work for sod all money, for the pleasure of service to the cause. The cause might be mysterious, even vaguely mystical, but the Apple fanboys who work in the shops like to "think different" about it all. After all they are working for something they believe in.
Now Microsoft has entered onto the retail scene, it thinks it can lure Apple staff away with the offer of money. It points out that if fanboys peddle Volish gear then they will be able to afford to buy some of the Apple gear that they currently sell [Microsoft can't be paying that much, shurely. Ed]
According to Ars Technica, the Vole has contacted a number of Apple's retail store managers to work in its stores.
Not only will they get more cash but they also will be offered moving expenses and we assume rigorous religious deprogramming.
Once the ex-Apple managers have jumped ship, they are asked to contact their top sales employees at their old workplaces and offer them similar positions at Microsoft's retail stores, also with higher pay.
It is not clear if the bribe approach is working. The Apple Store employees we spoke too would rather gouge out their own eyes with forks than work for the Vole.
A typical response would be "working here is not about the money, we are happy to let Steve spend that for us. We are here because we get to see and play with the latest Apple gear."
We imagine with all the exploding gear in the stores it must be quite an adventure. Even the people who complain would probably prefer to believe there was something wrong with them rather than the products. µ
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gladly sell my house and all my worldly goods just to have the privilege at serving in an Apple Store.
What an honour to serve the master.
Nick Farrell just isn't worthy because he is unclean by even thinking dirty thoughts such as the MS or the L word.
rigorous religious deprogramming
I think that should have read...
rigorous religious reprogramming
Have you ever met some of the drones at Microsoft?
Met some of the drones at Apple? As someone who has met some of the folks at MS, I have to say it seems like more of a democracy to me than fruitcorp.
Although I have to say this doesn't sound like great business practice...
Little tip for the ferrety one. If you're writing a shit article, don't link to a considerably better one.
So now a COMPANY that is in BUSINESS is BRIBING people by offering them money? How many hundreds of millions of people are accepting bribes every week?
Hi Nick,
Always love your balanced Apple articles ;-)
This one was tricky for you though, wasn't it? I mean, it's actually a story about the biggest software company in the world being so in thrall to a smaller player that they're even trying to poach their staff whilst ripping their store idea off!
That's pretty funny. And interesting - in that it must either say something about Microsoft's terrible judgement, or about Apple's genius in retail. Now we know you CANT acknowledge apple genius - perish the thought! - but what about Microsoft? Where is that Farrell rapier wit, slicing into Redmond's pathetic folly for following a useless bunch of cappuchino-swillers?
Nothing? Oh. Of course. Too busy having a go at Apple again. In an article about Microsoft(count the references!)oh well.....
D
Giving up a stable job these day is just a dumb idea. Plus the whole idea of a MS store is doomed to fail. What are they going to sell Windows 7, Zune and Xboxes. Sony has some stores, have you ever been to one? I give MS 2 years before they give up on the whole idea.
Yeah only Apple can succeed with stores that sell only overpriced exploding gadgets that no one really needs and become obsolete after 2 months.
Yes, I think religious re-programming would be more apt.
Did anyone see the article about Monkey Man Balmer going Ballistic when he saw an employee with an iPhone? He took it away from said employee, threw it on the floor, stompted on it and then ridiculed the man for the rest of the night. He also has frequently said that his kids are NOT ALLOWED to have iPods/iPhones. Heck, remember the reactionary response he had to the iPhone "the most expensive phone ever" (the $1000 RAZR had already been out for a while) and "they might get 1% of the market". . .
Talk about a "true believer"!
This is the fellow who thought MS "Bob" would revolutionize desktop computing!
Why do so many of you tards read Inq just to come on the comments and bitch about every article?
And for MS it's a great idea. They get to get experienced sales/mgmt teams and take those away from the competition. Makes sense to me.
Well, Microsoft has certainly had considerable success playing the "money card":
- Offering discounts on software to those who "only" sell computers loaded with Windows (and previously, threatening to use their MONEY-fueled legal dept. to attack those who sell computers NOT loaded with a Microsoft OS).
- Using money as a lever to force the OLPC project to load WinXP on XO computers (and push the "Sugar" Linux OS to the back burner).
- Nearly giving away XP licenses to netbook manufacturers who "only" load XP on netbooks (to try and push Linux out of the picture).
- Constantly threatening others (companies, competitors) to sue them out of existence with their money-stuffed legal department.
- Greasing palms of Governments, Health care organizations, school boards, and so forth in exchange for lucrative and exclusive IT contracts.
- and even bribing ISO members (and paying others to become ISO members) just to ram its ridiculous OOXML "standard" through the hoops.
Yes, with "proven" results like this, why would Microsoft stop using their piles of money to make yet more piles of money? Critical money-mass has been achieved, leading to various chain reactions.
They apparently figure that they have determined "what" people in the world are, and now they just are haggling about the price which makes "most" individuals (those that are useful to Microsoft) jump.
Unfortunately for Ballmer and Co., I don't think all the worlds' people are comfortable with being treated like prostitutes. After you start to look at the evidence, the thought of giving or taking one cent from a company with a value system like Microsoft leaves an extremely bad taste in one's mouth (or probably any other orifice, for that matter).
(Oh, and Apple really SHOULD pay their disciples -- I mean, employees -- a fair wage).
They will burn! They will burn!!!
hahaha!
if i could get a job at an apple store, i could then qualify for a job offer from microsoft so i could peddle inferior stuff for a higher pay.
no wonder linux pays me nothing for peddling FOSS. :-(
ergo, microsoft should pay linux and foss enthusiasts triple of what they'll offer apple staffers.
forget products....now MS can't even develop store managers and sales people??! They have to steal those as well???