There was an immeasurable distance between the quick and the dead: they did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strange to think that but a little while before they had spoken and moved and eaten and laughed - W. Somerset Maugham
APPLE HAS COME OUT with a novel excuse for why its Ipods and Iphones have a nasty habit of cracking or exploding. Apparently it is all the users' fault.
According to its latest statement about its cracking and exploding Ithings fiasco, Apple has said its devices blessed by holy Steve Jobs are perfect.
Whatever has gone wrong with them had nothing to do with cheesy batteries, cheap components or the fact that they are made in Chinese sweatshops.
Apple said it has "seen no evidence" that overheating batteries had caused screens on some of its Iphones to explode. Of course you can't see much if you have your eyes wide shut in religious faith that your product is perfect.
Apple blamed the sudden rash of exploding gear on an "external force".
This mysterious force is not God, or a rival religion, nor does it require any metaphysics to understand. An "external force" is just Apple's term for the black shirted people who believe that everything that Apple makes is wonderful. It is what other companies call their 'customers'.
According to Apple these external forces have been dropping their Iphones and this is what has been causing all the problems seen in France.
Apparently some external forces had been using their Iphones in a dangerous manner before they exploded.
Unfortunately that does not tally with some French explanations where people had not dropped their Iphones and had been using them normally.
Perhaps Apple thinks that people are supposed to frame their beautfully designed phones and those who actually make calls or listen to music while out and about are using them in a "dangerious manner".
Apple's commercial director in France, Michel Coulomb, met with the country's consumer affairs minister Herve Novelli on Friday to explain his outfit's views on external forces.
Afterwards Novelli confirmed that Apple blamed its customers.
However he said that it was too soon to apportion blame or say whether the users themselves had been responsible for the damage. He said that Apple management told him that the Iphones weren't damaged by a battery defect leading to an explosion, but that there had been a prior shock that cracked the screens.
One kind of gets the feeling that Apple has the attitude that its customers who have Iphones or Ipods that crack or explode must be somehow unworthy. µ
Sign up for INQbot – a weekly roundup of the best from the INQ