SIMON COWELL is a very nice man and probably has very nice lawyers, so it is with great sadness that we discover that computers belongng to his company Syco (geddit? It's an acronym that sounds like psycho) have been hacked.
But why hack Syco? Was it to lay grubby hands on Cowell's bank account details? He is worth more money than God after all. Or to find his tailor's name and address to arrange a hit (and we don't mean a top 10)? Or to try and get Paula Abdul's phone number?
No, none of the above. Unbelievably people apparently are hacking into Cowell's computers to get their hands on early cuts of the odious ear bile he calls music.
Tone-deaf thieves have already got their mitts on tracks from X Factor (UK) winners Leona Lewis and Alexandre Burke and are selling them to file sharing sites - according to the Current Bun.
Cowell is responsible for such wonder acts as Shayne Ward and Journey South - the latter of which could have been named after the career arc of both, so his back catalogue is ripe for further picking.
A spokesman for the psycho told the Bun, "[We] are working alongside the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry, the British Phonographic Industry, the police and investigators in this and they are making fast progress. We will certainly look to bring charges against those who are responsible. We cannot give any more details at this stage for operational reasons."
We can't help wondering whether this case will be investigated a bit more thoroughly than Monday's Facebook burglar incident.
But it's OK cos he thinks the battery life is crap
Callas to Cupertino
Cheers, trebles and big bonuses all round
Claims rival has made 'billions' by abusing patented technology