Jump to content
The Inquirer-Home

VGAs Left4Dead?

Caption competition Plus the results of last week's competition
Friday, 22 May 2009, 15:42

LAST WEEK, we asked you readers to come up with a killer caption for the following photo lamenting Intel's anti-trust boo-boo.

Intel not nappy with antitrust verdict

Seb

After careful consideration we decided on three captions as worthy winners:

amdboard's "bEUrp..."

Derk's "EU spits out Intel's formula, thinks AMD is tits. Nine out of ten consumers can't taste the difference."

and "The EU tells Intel to bottle it whilst AMD milks situation for all it's worth" submitted by Inqaholic.

Well done to the three of you (your rebates are not in the mail) and thanks to all the rest of you who competed (fairly). We know we can always anti-trust you to make us laugh.

This week we thought we'd give you a chance to comment on the state of the graphics market, and the following pic:

Vga

 

Do new die shrinks mean GPUs have been Left4Dead? What does this mean for the life-like graphics market? We want your best captions and one-liners, readers! µ

PS - No Charlie, don't even think about it. As an INQ writer, you're barred from competing.

 

Share this:

Comments
Peon

Captions?

"In another month we'll have enough parts to make a second Al Gore."

posted by : Jerry, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Simple:

Charlie's Angels.

posted by : glenmc, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Never mind, Charlie

I'll say it for you:

"Soon to be named GT300s awaiting QA."

posted by : Chronos, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
How about...

Dead VGA's

posted by : mike, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
I'd say

"We do not know what the problem is with these VGAs but we're sure we've fixed it"

posted by : Astro, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Huangs revenge

Jen-Hsun Huang smiled smugly as Charlie disappeared beneath the sea of defective gfx cards wearing his new lead bump boots.

posted by : DM, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
...

"...i see dead VGAs..."

posted by : ronin, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
charlie's special collection

Charlie's collection of cracked gfx cards?

posted by : tosh, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
TA

Blue Box Of Death

posted by : teef, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
comment:

Dis were the users, ....stupid!!

posted by : redbier, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Really?

Where's the box with "Alive VGA's"?

posted by : neliz, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Tits

'Recycle, supplies for the boob doctor'

posted by : Brickling, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
hah

We THOUGHT they could play Crysis!

posted by : hfm, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
The hopes are high . . .

"The search for the beer resistant VGA goes on"

posted by : Uroshi, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Errrrrr.......DVI ???

Box mis-labelling rife at INQ HQ

posted by : Phil, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Chips

My entry:

Charlie was rather hoping for a different type of 'Fried Chips' when he asked Sylvie to grab him some dinner

posted by : Dan, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Caption

"A picture is worth a thousand VGA's."

posted by : Plewt, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Chronos' winning caption

Gotta go with Chronos: "Soon to be named GT300s awaiting QA."

Gentlemen, we have a winner.

If nothing else, Charlie should award Chronos the "Charlie D. 'What I Would Have Said'" award for 2009.

And the inadvertent carton label "Dead VGAs", yep, if that doesn't describe NVidia GT300, then what does?

Too bad there wasn't an empty bin next to that one containing GT300s passing QA.

posted by : Rich Wargo, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
nVy

Watching a box filled with nVy

posted by : anon1mat0, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Larra-Laughs!

Please place your unwanted chips here. Every box filled can make one Larrabee.
Thanks kindly,
Intel.

posted by : paul, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
.

"Charlie says: Always tell your mummy I WAS RIGHT ABOUT NVIDIA ALL ALONG!!"

"It's a good job we put aside money to replace these...but if anyone asks, there have been no failures"

posted by : I'm Brain as is my wief, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
The truth

Red and Green PCB unite... Looks like the blue will still win.

posted by : Alex, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Bob wasn't so sure...

After yet another dead graphics card, Bob wasn't so sure removing the fans to make his system quieter was such a good idea.

posted by : GZ, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
A few

Big Blue turns to its stock holders for more capital to fund its next big idea.

AnnandTech today posted their latest round-up of graphics card tests, minus the tests.

Amateur overclocker jeffK has so far spent over $12,000 of his parent's money trying to break 1 Million FPS in Quake 3.

Russia clones ATI Again

Today, Microsoft released the official minimum-system requirements for its newest operating system, Windows 7.

Tom's hardware has an article today on the importance of choosing a quality PSU for your kit.

Intel today released a few prototypes of their Larrabee GPGPU.

Behind the scenes at TigerDirect.

posted by : Boredatwork, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Red vs Green

"Larrabee anyone?"

I'll bet there's got to be a big blue box filled with larrabee core's because Intel is bitching bout those all year long.

posted by : T.O.H, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Not so much a caption as a press release

Today, nVidia released its new line of passively-cooled DirectX 11.1 "Vista Capable" videocards, the 9950 series. The "9950" series is not a new die design, nor is it a die shrink. The model number is simply an indication of the temperature, in celcius, at which the card runs.

nVidia's CEO, Jen-Hsun Huang was on hand at the release to re-affirm his company's committment to "enrich the customer experience" as much as possible. He's quoted as saying, "Each card comes DOA from the factory so you do not have to waste time troubleshooting the problem!" He was then seen stumbling over towards the bar where, it is reported, that he began throwing chairs and yelling "I'll fucking KILL Intel!" to any patrons who would listen.

posted by : Mandark, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Braaaaiins

Introducing Nvida's new 'Fix it yourself program'!

posted by : Pawz2142, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
ATI

More red than green , ATI cover up !

posted by : ATI, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
nvidia

Old, not working nvidia cards. Just like new, not working nvidia cards.

posted by : thechevron, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
- - - - - - - - -

War's a bitch.

posted by : Luke, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Totally not our fault...

"NVIDIA suggests you buy one of the 'new' models, because this is totally nothing to do with the under-fill issues..."

:P

posted by : Aaronage, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
In Denial

"After all the commotion over making a good caption that would fit with the picture, at the end of the day people were just forgetting that its just a box of broken electronics... i mean seriously people"

Dum dum dum mellow dramatic music and realisation of idiocity.... :)

posted by : Mauller07, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
It's only a matter of time...

"California announces it's latest plans to stop global warming and protect the children from GTA in a single move: A ban on power hungry 3D graphics accelerators."

posted by : Andy, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
mr.

First place prize for who best can bash Nvidia....

posted by : Brian770, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
That's a lot.

I only have 6 in my closet at home.

posted by : STEVE, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
You've missed the essential: the color of the box :)

Microsoft FINALLY has competition: nVidia's ® blue box of death

posted by : Dyno, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
meh

"nVidia GT300 Engineering sample. Do not touch."

or

"nVidia M8600GT Buy one, get one free"
We are not giving one away fro free because it might fry, we are just a good company.

or

"Dead VGA's. Warning: This box contains 29% of nVidia market share for 2008"

posted by : Da | Professional, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
sorry, just thought of another one

label on the box:

"GPGPU's in action"

and

"nVidia ION integrated graphics (Sorry Intel. They're bigger than your whole Atom based mobo but at least they run solitaire at 999fps.)"

posted by : Da | Professional, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Dead VGAs

"If we throw them out we can increase our market share!"

posted by : Corporate Analyst, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
but

"VGAs are dead. Unfortunately it appears that their fans will continue to plague us until R&D gets more money than PR."

posted by : Hyperion2010, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
The INQ's Junk Mail Increases Fortnightly

We do believe also that they are attracting voles.

http://contests.fotki.com/contests/56/7383.html

posted by : *cough* the BBC, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
much better

"nvidia and AMD seen shuffeling slowly towards Intel marketshare, despite claims by Chipzilla that "brainless" zombies will soon be a thing of the past"

posted by : Hyperion2010, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Easy,

"Just a bucket full, no more we swear, Jen-Hsun Huang"

posted by : cvxvxv, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Mr Br00ks0n

The next batch will be ultra green. fans made from leafs and all sorts..

posted by : BarryA, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Captionz

"See Charlie's Desk ? See Charlie's 'In' box."

posted by : Inflatable Girlfriend, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Beef

Where's the chip?

posted by : Vinster, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
ebay

"recycled underfill, slightly used, good as new, insurance write off, large quantities available"

posted by : Richard, 22 May 2009 Complain about this comment
hmm

"Dont worry lads, most consumers wouldn't touch these, but I'm sure we can find an bunch of idiots who will... think different."

posted by : simon, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Worth something to someone

Some remote village in china...(google translation)

Come on kids th`e be precious metals in that pile, cancer or not we need the money! Now tuck in dont be shy.....

posted by : Mr X, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Pick me sir

Tired of writing negative reviews Charlie enacted revenge directly on the Nvidia cards.

posted by : Dave, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
really really... something to waste time on

two for you..

Good men and true,
Inside the big blue.
Content inappropriate to both
the green eyed monster
and you so please,
visit fu.eu for more
information about your IQ.

so.. the inquirer is compensating the lack of bad intel graphic cards by puting everything else in a big blue box? I don't know about you but, benjamin franklin said:
Beauty, like supreme dominion
Is but supported by opinion
So frankly it does not matter who we deem dead or otherwise.. but I got to admit that those those gfx cards look hot :P

posted by : tits on fire, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Another one

"Not even a fan would save these"

posted by : Plewt, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
and one more

Graphics cards, now in colour.

posted by : Plewt, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
RIP

Res In Pieces

posted by : Chubby, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Payday

While trying to get Charlie to write good things about them, Nvidia sent him some 'freebies' that were destined for Dell.

posted by : Kaos, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Who said it's toxic!

Basel shmazel, next load almost ready.

posted by : Un-Nefer, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Anyone notice the label says VGA

Good grief.. how old are those card. Do real gamers still buy vga. Also, the bin does not say BAD DVI or BAD GPU, just a BAD VGA... Maybe those cards only have a BAD VGA port, the rest of the card itself is working fine. :)

posted by : notice, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Well Derrrr

As I said a while back - not one VGA port in sight - just DVI - god damn these kids

posted by : Phil, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Doh

NVIDIA- the way it's meant to be RMA'd

posted by : Ndjefc82, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Silver mine found in nvidias dumpster

Does this mean that when the UPS truck goes by with it's lights on you have to pull over because of computer bereavement?
Why has nobody ever thought of putting GPU's on a socket so GPU makers can involve less of the computer industry and shipping industry in it's mistakes.

posted by : Jonathan, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Against all odds

Nvidia comes out on top!

posted by : oreoscout, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
If Video Cards Could Talk

Left green card to the right green card:

"Hooray! Jen-Hsun says tomorrow I'm getting restamped!"

or

"At least we're still on top of the heap...red cards just can't compete!"

posted by : Jimbo in Thailand, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
nVrammed.

nVidia, the way you're meant to be played.

posted by : Sven, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Let me see if I can get more

"nVidia: Always on top"

"Buy one, get a full free box. Though you pay the coolers. They still work"

"Jen-Hsun: We like to be ahead of ATI on EVERYTHING"

"Jen-Hsun: We're always on top. Even when failing"

posted by : Dyno, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
a couple

"When the chips are down, you know NVIDIA's got it."

"BREAKING NEWS: Nvidia pulls out of china."

posted by : matt, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
hmm

'your snooty nextgen overclocked vga card is next'

'most of these overclocked vgas had short burning orgasms before death.'

'according to marketing ppl, this pile was nextgen 6 month ago'

'it's like looking at an adult japanese movie, of video cards'

'these cards ain't dead, the're just in vga heaven'

posted by : red phoenix, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Sandbox gaming

Nvidia: At the forefront of sandbox gaming.

posted by : Brian Bayes, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
mr

Nvidia, making your system hot.

posted by : lordmozilla, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
No wonder VGAs don't work they're DVIs

OMG the VGA socket and VGA/DVI adapter is not compatible... Toss DUDs.

posted by : MIR, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
My FEET Smell Like HARD Cheese.....

Welcome to theSTOCKROOM.

theINQ, Resoleing Shoes Since 1953.

BoardRoom.

SilverSurfer Body Boards.

Going where Others Fail To Leap....

posted by : vondrashek, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
The ecofriendlyness

of a Nvidia fanboi is proven the fact, that his daily usage of graphic boards goes down to 87.5% by underclocking them to 10 Hz

posted by : WoenK, 23 May 2009 Complain about this comment
errrr....

"cheap electrolytic CAPS Nvidia"

posted by : Mr Kom, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
blind people

dead radeon pile is bigger, even though radeons were given special zalman treatment, while geforce pile stayed @ stock.

this might explain some things to you:

http://en.expreview.com/2008/08/26/ati-officially-optimize-catalyst-for-furmark-making-it-run-slower.html

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=auto&tl=en&u=http://www.pcinpact.com/actu/news/51011-occt-radeon-31-gpu-test.htm

posted by : gaylord, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Video Graphics Accelerator, anyone ?

Stop commenting on VGA vs DVI, you just look stupid.

"Save a card, adopt a Linux. This message sponsored by the Anti-cruelvista group"

posted by : bobsuper, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
hmmm

With a little McGuyver magic, maybe we can turn this into something that will run Crysis on 'high'

"You need to be this much GPU to ride <newestfpsclone " (think rollercoasters)

"This is your computer. This is your Computer after overclocking. Any Questions?"
"Overclocking - JUST SAY NO!"

posted by : Andrew Norton, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Economic Downturn

"The economic downturn has claimed the lives of many at the high-end"

posted by : Thomas Baldwin, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
DirectX 11 Launch Day

"On DirectX 11 launch day, the switch to AMD cards was instantaneous."

posted by : Adam Brown, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Price War

Price war coupled with recession sparks radical retail packaging change in bid to cut costs.

------------------------------------

The Way It's Meant To Be Packaged.

posted by : Lee, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
MPAA's wet dream

if you can't view it you can't pirate it :)p

or

The world with NONE DRM HDCP compliant VGA cards in the future of 2010 MPAA's wet dream,

posted by : GrX, 24 May 2009 Complain about this comment
EBAY

Lot of graphics cards for sale!
GREAT ASSORTMENT.
LOW RESERVE!
$300 shipping.

....SOLD AS IS!!!

posted by : Chuck_Mangione, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Find them in your local supermarket...

...right between the EISA ATA/33 controller boards and the PCI 10/100 Ethernet cards.

posted by : Russell, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
consolation prize winner

Case-mod competition standards slipping.

posted by : reader, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Caption

Indiana Jones and the Graphic Artifact

posted by : Lee Logan, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
yes!

"Today we are very excited to announce our new engine" said Cevat Yerli, CEO of Crytek

posted by : lolo, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Caption

As the 32nd video card was disposed of it became clear to the Nvidia shareholders that die shrinking must be stopped.

posted by : Rico Wojtulewicz, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Deminishing Returns

New multi gpu box falls short of gamers expectations..

posted by : Carl Ryder, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
FACT

"It's a studied fact that if a nuclear explosion hit the entire world.. Only cockroaches and obsolete graphics cards remain"

posted by : Cyber Punk, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Box of chips, anyone?

The way it's meant to be dumped.

posted by : ziiro, 25 May 2009 Complain about this comment
NVidia experience at knock down rates!!!

Experience NVidia now!
... save yourself the trouble of buying,installing & hours of customer support,
Going fast!!

-aside
Just like to add, that's what my experience(f***ers) was like,
I got burned 3 times,
1/a NV dell(13 months)
2/a NV HP(13 months)
3/a 9400GT, with a replacement 94gt, and another 94gt then 13 months later...

really nice touch from all involved
denial denial denial.

In Europe/UK if they admitted a manufacturing defect the warranty claim period would extend to 6 years.
They will never admit it.

f***ers, all of em cuz they all got into bed with NV on this...dell and hp and everyone else.

posted by : p0ln, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Deadly Quotes

"After your death you will be what you were before your birth - a G92."
or
"Only the dead have seen the end of Warcraft."
or
"When there's no more room in hell, the dead will be recycled... First as a 9800gtx, then 9800gtx+, then slyly as a gt200m, and even more slyly as a GTS250 [... to be continued]"

posted by : Derk, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
HPC?

Jen-Hsun: "can't we just sell them as dedicated PhysX cards? If we tape over the pci-e pins so that the system posts, nobody will ever notice the difference..."

posted by : zephod, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Box?

My, what a bix box of FLOPS

posted by : Will Alden, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
VGAs Left4Dead?

"Seriously Fubar'd"

posted by : Foo, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
how about...

"FUBARBUNDY" ???

(^_^)

posted by : Foo, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Dead, but not gone

Dead VGAs - awaiting resurrection.
Dead VGAs - awaiting recycling.
Dead VGAs - the recycle bin.

Buy our newest, coolest VGA fan, which cools anything and have your pick of 3 complementary graphic cards ( from our "Blue Box Of Death" copyright TA above)

EPA - eat your heart out.

posted by : Dmitry, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Economic Busting

"Alas stripping all of the gold traces from the multiple vga cards lying about to pay off the INq's tab at ye old pub in these tough times was short by a few quid"

posted by : gabriel, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
VGAs Left4Dead?

Positive side of the Recession : DIE SHRINK

posted by : Nadeem, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Read on....

Looks to me like there's been an AMD-ATI multiple pile up,with Charlie in the driving seat,oh well,what else,we can't expect miracles from any of them,just a pile of old fiction!!!

posted by : Anon, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
President

"the only box nvidia will see ALL year."

posted by : Tony McGuire, 26 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Nvidia Spokesperson

Nvidia spokesperson: "Dead?!? No, that stands for D.E.A.D - errr.... Delivers Extremely Awesome Display...." *casually looks in the air and starts whistling while using foot to push the box out of sight*

posted by : solgar, 27 May 2009 Complain about this comment
A Bright Blue Box

"If you think this is one big box of broken graphic cards; Boy, you should see the container we use for the XBoxes!"

posted by : Antiloop, 27 May 2009 Complain about this comment
New SLi & Crossfire

Leaked photo of Nvidia's new 100 card SLi Bundle. Ati announce a single card solution.

posted by : Chris, 27 May 2009 Complain about this comment
You all are getting senile.

I think some of you are senile. Those are modern graphics cards. They are not old old vga's. Old vga's didn't have dual dvi connectors and they weren't that big and they definitely didn't have factory ram sinks on them.

posted by : Jonathan, 28 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Nvidia rebranding

Nvidia rebrands old parts in a new marketing spin:

the all new GTX270-8R0k3N

posted by : 99flake, 28 May 2009 Complain about this comment
If cards could talk

One card says to another card. “It’s getting hot in here.” “I know, and they’ve nicked all the fans.”

“Don’t look now, but I just saw a sexy little ATI card right behind you.” “Wow and she’s got a huge pair of VGA’s, you don’t see many of them in this box.”

Card on the left is singing “VGA card in red is dancing with me, chip to chip.”

A card on the bottom shouts. “Hey, you on the top, shut up, you’re supposed to be dead.”

posted by : Shockproof Paul, 29 May 2009 Complain about this comment
Dead

Kevorkian showed graphics cards how to end the pain. Why would they want to die? Wrath of the Lich King....

posted by : Hack, 02 June 2009 Complain about this comment
Advertisement
Subscribe to the INQ Newsletter
Sign-up for the INQBot weekly newsletter
Click here to sign up Existing user
Advertisement
INQ Poll

Christmas computer sales

Will you be buying a new computer this Christmas?