Microsoft Airlines
HERE AT THE INQ we reckon you readers are a clever bunch, so we thought we'd try you out with a little caption competition to tune up your minds.
And what better picture to start with than this recently spotted "Microsoft Plane"?
Our first concerns when we saw this were whether the airline would force passengers to upgrade? Or get up to full speed only to crash?
We can see the publicity for it now:
"Microsoft Airlines; You pay for our baggage", "you can't have an aisle seat but we've got plenty of windows..."
Strange, it almost looks like Steve Jobs there on the right... nah, that can't be, can it?
Okay readers, lets see your best captions! Bung 'em in the comments below and we'll put the best two, as decided solely at the discretion of our judges, up with the pics again in a few days. µ
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Customer Relationship Management (CRM)
Enterprise Accounting Software
Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP)
Enterprise Systems Management
"The Only Microsoft Product that hasn't crashed"
Our only product that has longer uptime than our enterprise servers!
It looks like you're flying a plane!
Would you like help?
O Get help with flying the plane
O Just fly the plane without help
[] Dont show me this tip again
"thank goodness the other engine is an iEngine!" ... running OSX!" ...running Linux!"
"Microsoft confident their novel Cloud offering is a flyer"
Makes going forwards feel like going backwards.
Or
Makes getting there take longer than necessary
It's a dual core, stepping 5.
Does it say "Microsoft Dynamics" where one reads "Microsoft Dummies" at first glance? What does it say on the tail? Flying ... ?
I'm supposed to type AORIA in order to validate I'm human.
In a bold move, aimed at reducing the computing power required to run one of it's products, Robbie Bach, head of Microsoft Entertainments and Corporate Losses Division, annouced a new release of the company's flagship Flight Simulator product (a move which may come as a surprise to the development team, who all got the sack last month).
"Our revolutionary approach vastly reduces the load on both the CPU, and the GPU - with a smaller memory footprint, overall - by not actually employing a computer, at all," Bach explained.
The new version will run in two configurations; one with jet engines, cabin crew, and space for 48 passengers, and a second, propeller-driven version, dubbed 'Classic Mode', made of canvas, plywood and wire, which is intended offer backwards compatability with all of Microsoft's existing software.
(Side note: I've actually flown in that Canadair Bombardier, when I went to Ljubljana, last summer!)
"I wouldn't want to have to debug *that* crash dump!"
there has to be a caption about the inflight catering and a red ring of death!
Microsoft: Winging IT.
... I *did* reboot it. Three times! It still won't fly!
We're sorry this engine does not appear to be a Microsoft Genuine Engine and will be shut down. If you'd like to purchase a Microsoft Genuine Engine please contact your local Microsoft Retailer.
"Come Fly With Us"
Microsoft: Where do you want to fly today?
Where do you want to go today?
Back to the terminal?
We have now reached our curising altitude of 35,000 feet - feel free to move about the cabin. Please be aware that this is a non smoking flight and that the blue screen on the pilots monitor is not a blue screen of death.
Wings available on 'Ultimate' edition.
Engines shown for illustration only. Adequate hardware for flight purposes will be announced following sufficient pre-orders.
"The Only Microsoft Product that hasn't crashed" ~yet...~
*FIXED*
...has experienced a problem and needs to shut down.....
"Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. This IS going to be a bumpy ride."
only 10% more expensive than 2008.
We're sorry the pilot for today only has a Starter Edition license. Only 3 of you will be able to fly with us today.
Forget the blue screen of Death! It is now the Blue Skies of DEATH!
Before you can fly we need to know if your plane has past the Wga/Wat......
Sorry you are using a non genuine plane... No flying for you today.
Please Wait...
While your black box is reconfigured.
Please Wait...
Allows Remote Assistance when commuters can be used from another location.
Please Wait...
Whoero did you want to tick off today?
Please Wait...
Microsoft Aerolines has encarta'd a problem and must crash in the Hudson.
If you have purchased the Ultimate hotfix package, you're entitled to use Ballmer as a floatation device with third-party extensions.
Microsoft brings its customers one step closer to cloud computing.
or
MS workers hard at work patching MS Airline's hole.
Pic 1
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Today, Microsoft has released it's new flagship product the Aero II. (Disclosure: This product has flown in Mexican airspace and despite using gum and chewed jelly beans to create an airtight seal of the cabin, it is believed to contain the Swine Flu)
Pic 2
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After the recent Vista debacle, Microsoft has learned from it's mistakes. They know the secret to Apple's OS success isn't their GUI but Steve Jobs.
BSOD Airlines will make it to market in the very near future......
*Engineer1: If we cud just get rid of this blasted MS Platform......*
*Engineer2: Dont say that, we just need a new WGA and a few more patches and we'll be ship shape.
MS Airlines. Taking cloud computing to a new height
cloud computing was a metaphor?
Crashes? With new MS Windows Avionics edition, your plane won't even taxi from the gate let alone get off the ground...
Blue Screen of Death. 'nuff said.
MS Airlines - Because penguins can't fly
Giving a new meaning to the word "crash".
Note 1... maybe this is a Site Liscensed Craft? No more Per Seat pay? ...
Microsoft Airlines: All flights now controlled by Users of Microsoft Flight Similator 2009!
Disclaimer: Microsoft is not responsible for the safety or flight of this craft.
MS Airlines: Where do you want to crash today?
MS Airlines: Intel inside, windows outside
"Express Outlook"...
I actually flew on this exact same plane a few times on Ljubljana to Bucharest line, but my guess is it's used on other short range lines as well. It's one of the Bombardier CRJ200 type planes in use by Adria, Slovenian airline carrier (http://www.adria.si).
I even took pictures of it being serviced and boarded first time I saw it as I just couldn't believe my "luck" (I think you'll all know what my first thought were LOL, if not, just read previous comments here XO).
Anyway, I believe Adria only uses a single "MS Painted" plane and others are painted with different sponsors. One is even painted with some casino company so, if you're talking about taking a gamble boarding a "MS Paint" plane, think again XD. Most are not the trendiest of planes visually but if it keeps the operating costs down a little, I'm sure not gonna complain.
Carrier is OK for the asking price BTW, with 20kg of luggage per passenger (plus on-person rucksack or such) and I've never seen them complicating much if I carried a few pounds over the specified weight limit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advertising here, I was just as surprised to see that "MS Paint" actually work, strictly performance-wise speak limited to this particular plane of course ;) I just hope MS didn't supply them with "MS Surface" dashboard for the plane and pilots weren't trained on "MS Flight Simulator" XD (tho, must say, flights were as uneventful as one could hope for and I could barely notice us land, so all kudos to their pilots, really).
Here's some pics of the plane boarding (1), on runway with luggage compartment open (2), and an aerial shot of Alps from the passengers' cabin (3):
http://i41.tinypic.com/30b3b69.jpg
http://i42.tinypic.com/2ce3vpe.jpg
http://i41.tinypic.com/2r5zxu8.jpg
(Please excuse the not so great quality of pictures as I forgot to remove the custom white balance I set in cam the day before. It's not much of an excuse I know but I haven't got my coffee yet, they only start serving that at cruise altitudes for obvious reasons)
BTW, I fly same line this Monday and if I board same plane or I see it on the runway, I'll take some more pictures for you ;)
I think its funny how you all bash microsoft considering they sell alot more copies of they're OS than any other company, Also considering its not open souce, they do a fine job, yes every OS has its problems, Microsofts just show up more because more people have it and use it. Look at the large scale in which people use OS's and tell me who has the higher numbers, Its probably about the same besides the open source OS which mostly power users have. The rest of you can ride on your Cheetah's Jaguar's , and waddle with your penguin's...
Why stop at copying OSX when you can copy Steve Jobs himself eh?
Well this plane is an easy case for the Air Crash Investigation... when this plane crashes (not IF) the cause will be software failure, no exceptions.
The new Microsoft plane: If you open any windows, it crashes.
Microsoft plane EULA: By boarding this plane you surrender any expectations of quality or security together with your soul.
The microsoft plane: Now with a 30 day trial of Norton seatbelts that for some unknown reason slow the plane down.
Program "Auto Pilot" is attempting to correct your course to avoide a collision.
Do you want to allow the program "Auto Pilot" to make changes?
__ Global Access Control with privilege elevations + a sure bet you can hack it in the cloud. Get what you want in a laptop... A world without falls..., making Aero-sickness a thing of the past.
+*Flushing empties all your cache.
Are you sure you want to...?
This plane has encountered a problem and must close, press F8 to resume in "safe mode"
Microsoft flight simulator 10 as real as it gets!!!!!!!!!
"That's looking a bit overweight."
"Naah, we can still cram a load more in."
"It'll never fly!"
"'Course it will, give it a long enough runway!"
"No chance it'll arrive on time, then."
"OK, look, keep the old baggage, toss out all the good stuff, we can always send it out on the next flight."
"There's a next flight?"
Windows has installed a new update for your airplane... happy flying :P
"Windows will restart your airplane automatically in 15 seconds...
;D *crash boom*
Ps Firefox has shity mousewheel support.
our planes can hang in the air...
Microsoft plane crashes when air traffic software is affected by a virus when FAA hacked because of security hole in microsoft OS.
'Extending the Brand. Engines by Microsoft'
my title at Microsoft Air.
Intel Inside, Crash dumps outside!!
This copy of your ticket cannot be validated, please jump off overboard to a Tech Center to get a new copy, parachutes not included!
Your potential, our cash flow!!
"Your engine could not be validated, it will run in stop mode"
"This plane needs to crash, sorry for the inconvenience"
This plane could not be updated, rolling back changes, do not move your steering wheel or press any buttons while the changes are performed.
"Microsoft Airlines, where do you want to crash?"
"No sir, a birdstrike would be a feature, not a potential disaster."
We guarantee you'll never see "Fatal Error" twice on any flight
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Microsoft Air - two years later than MacBook, but this thing really flies !!!
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Microsoft Air - No First Class, but countless upgrades
This is not Microsoft plane. It's Slovenian national air company. http://www.adria-airways.com/en/index.cp2
Maybe Microsoft rented this plane for their business purpose or what is more sure that this is only Microsoft commercial because in Slovenia they are pretty strong in almost every single area.
You can also imagine how strong is Microsoft in Slovenia, that government have made study about software expenses in parlament and other public institutes and they had relized that Microsoft products are much cheaper than open source alternatives in the meaning of upgrades and administration etc... In the one side Slovenian government want save money because of this economic crisis on the other side they are spending so much money for Microsoft that is very obvios that there is NO economic crise!
Regards from Slovenia
"For your own safety, please fasten your seatbelt, turn off your mobile devices and don't set Internet Explorer as the default browser. Thank you."
I also reacted how it said "Microsoft dynamics" on the side...we all now how "dynamic" it can be! at least they have news paper stand just before you board, that are not from m$
Microsoft Cloud Computing.
They don't quite grasp it.
Clearing RunWay 7 For InterNational Hard,Vole Inc. Since Blackest TuesDay, 71000 Conditioning, Straight thru Tieror, 24/8. Now both work on one dsl line at same time. Wow & Office 2007 Connect. Join Labratory Sponsored Project 13. Its Everything Ultimate Promises, with some care. Even Heart Ad in Media Center on Trailers works, allowing that to function , On Vista it was freezorAd, KaPot, no Trailers Due to Choppy Stream. Its Approaching Lift Off. Techs recongifuring At whirlWind Pace. This Could Be ConRad Birdie Of ALL Time.... drashek
Welcome to our New York to Toyko flight today. As we are beta testing Microsoft engines, do not be startled when they shut down every two hours. This is normal.
Anyone can join in! Microsoft Airlines will begin crowdsourcing flight crews this year. (Details http://www.microsoftair.com/pressinfo/crwdsrc-pr090510-12.pdf)
We are now testing the all-new Microsoft Windows for Airplanes Premium Edition, coming to an aircraft near you for only $10,261.94.
Internet access is available for use in-flight. However, please note that the use of other Internet Browsers such as Firefox, Safari, Chrome and Opera are strictly prohibited, since we hate competition and it gives us the heeby jeebies. The same applies to Linux and other OSes that are encroaching into our market share.
End User License Agreement:
Please note that Microsoft will not be held liable for any software crashes endangering the aircraft while in the air. In such an event, a Service Pack will be made available to you free of charge. Please have your CD-Key handy. Thank you for using Microsoft Products.
Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
Linux: Where do you want to go tomorrow?
FreeBSD: What's holding you guys up?
"and Window 8 is the emergency exit"
Microsoft's version of cloud computing
I said a Microlight damnit.
1. Cancel Trip (recommended)
2. Fly in this plane (not recommended)
1. Introducing the new Aeroplane interface.
2. This plane has found new engines, do you want to search the Internet for updated engines?
3. Wow! the graphics in this new flight sim are so realistic.
1).
"Thank you for flying with AeroFloat, our next interface of surfing the skies. We hope you enjoy your flight. Please disregard the people that are residing in the cargo area as they are being being outsourced [transported] to their final destination, India." [Journey of a Lifetime]
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2). "Enjoy our new in-flight entertainment system preloaded with tons of cool features not featured in Windows 7. Oh wait...thanks for being among the first to get a glimpse of our next generation of windows, Windows 8, the successor to Windows 7 (for promotional-use Only). We are providing free upgrades to Windows 8 when it releases in the years ahead. We highly encourage you to try Windows 7 in our Windows 7 Virtual Mode."
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3). "Try Our New AeroFlot Frequent Flyer Program and be rest-assured free upgrades of Microsoft Windows for life!" - Microsoft Marketplace (Arjun)
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4). "Thanks for trying our next version of Microsoft Flight Simulator. We hope this next release will make your virtual senses fly away that way we make our next Windows release crash-free." - Microsoft Marketplace (Arjun)
We bring blue screens to the blue skies!
Tell me this is a Photoshop job...
"Microsoft Airlines, because even Steve Job's flies with us."
1: Welcome to MS Airways, will you be travelling Basic, Premium or Ultimate?
2: Presumably, when you press the 'Eject' button, you get an annoying yellow traingle asking you "Are you sure you want to exit this program, any passengers you havent saved may be lost"?
Bit morbid that second one, but hey... its MS.
We're sorry but Ultimate Extras are unavailable on this flight.
Service pack 1 is expected to include a parachute.
"Windows has detected a problem with this aircraft and the flight must terminate immediately."
"Microsoft Airlines: Bluescreens and blue skys. "
MICROSOFT WINDOWS SKYLIGHT EDITION: BRING YOUR BUSINESS TO THE NEW HEIGHTS. POWERED BY MICROSOFT AERO ENGINE, RECOMMENDED BY STEVE JOB.
1. This Plane is Windows® Vista™ Ready
2. This plane is the most secure version of a plane ever.
3. To enable the disabling and enabling of this plane...
4. Plane (Not Responding)
The only time you would say no to a free upgrade to first class is when flying with Microsoft.
New features: Curved wingtips, more colorful interior and exterior, Direct Flight to X 10-which gets you to same destination using mildly prettier route but requires binocular compatible seat.
Fine Print: DRM added to inflight movies and music, requires more fuel, storage areas may not fit your older bags, purchased ticket non-refundable, stewardesses, food & toilets only with Ultimate package, no flight insurance offered, ticket not convertible to any other airline, not responsible for delays-security breaches-or crashes due to maintenance or lack thereof, re-identification required if you remove or add clothing to yourself.
Price: Requires repurchase of full price ticket or automatically priced into all travel agent packages.
Microsoft Captain: -I keep getting bluescreen when i look outside the cockpit Window...
Warning: This Aircraft has experienced a fatal protection fault, and will now shut down for safety. If this problem persists please contact your Local Aircraft Service Personnel.
Hopefully this one is "MS Flight Capable" to avoid anymore lawsuits :)
American Digital Rights Internet Airline (ADRIA) is the first airline to use the new Microsoft powered dual-core-engines on all of their planes. In order to fly on one of these planes, you will be required to board the plane using one of the Bill Gates numbered 5, 6 or 7. Support for gates 1 - 4 has been removed, therefore, any passenger who boards using these gates will not be given any help when the plane crashes.
Those who board using Bill Gates number 5 will experience a stable, familiar flight with a smooth and safe landing at the end.
Those who board using Bill Gates number 6 will experience a not uncommon, potentially annoying flight, with plenty of eye candy to keep them entertained during the trip.
For the adventurous, who board using Bill Gates number 7 (still under construction), awaits an unknown experience of wonderful things to come.
If at any point during the flight the onboard movie changes to a blue screen with a warning message, you will be required to thank Captain S Ballmer for saving your life when you reach your destination. If you didn’t see the blue screen we will inform your next of kin as soon as possible. Microsoft cannot be held responsible for any injury or death caused by a crash.
Passengers will be looked after during the flight by our three sexy victorian cute hostesses (svchost for short), System, Local and Network. Any attempt at interfering with one of the hostesses will cause your flight to be grounded within 60 seconds.
We also have a medic onboard every flight called Dr Watson who will come to your assistance whether you want him to or not.
All flights are strictly PC and passengers are prohibited from bringing any apples on board but meals may be ordered from the Start menu at any time.
Any pirates found onboard will be thrown out over China and any penguins found onboard will be safely partitioned off to the cargo bay.
Students and teachers can use the onboard Office suit at a cost of £99, all other passengers will be charged an arm and a leg.
It is a plane owned by Adria Airlines, (Slovenian airlines firm; note the similarity with the ADRIATIC SEA!)... For backwater people check GOOGLE MAPS or something. It seems the transport firms in Slovenia are going for adds on transportation vehicles, from busses, taxis and I guess even planes, as the recission over here is taking its tool. So its a no-brainer (as the inq. would say), to sell the adds to the biggest moneycow... Would be nice to know where the pic was made.
It is actually quite a reliable firm to travel with... which is something I cannot say for MS software.
Well just my 50 cent on the matter
cynism<< Maybe this is Microsofts go at cloud computing cynism off<<
There must be a 747 off camera somewhere hauling the anti-virus support.
Because a Philadelphia-Washington flight will seem shorter, faster, and more efficient when you fly through Los-Angeles and Seattle on the way. Twice.