RECENT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES demonstrate the increasing urgency to reduce carbon emissions, former Vice President Al Gore told a US Senate committee Wednesday, but have no fear, it can be done in a way that makes America richer and safer, apparently.
Gore was invited to give a hysterical, melodramatic speech at Congress, accompanied by his usual box of slides and video clips of impending planetary doom, to promote President Barack Obama's economic stimulus package, which earmarks billions of dollars for renewable energy and more eco friendly infrastructure and transportation.
Gore, who was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for scaring the bejesus out of people with his film on humanity's imminent destruction due to global warming, told Congress it had to do three things, or face the very real danger of another one of his films.
The first was to pass the stimulus plan, with all its clean energy goodness, the second was to pass a law limiting Carbon emissions and taxing them and the third was to bully all other world nations to agree to binding reductions by the end of 2009.
"The scientists are practically screaming from the rooftops. This is a planetary emergency. It's outside the scale we're used to dealing with," ManBearPig, er, Gore shrieked at senators. He steadied himself before adding that the climate which made human civilisation possible was at serious risk and that burning more fossil fuels with everyday 'devil may care' arrogance would have serious impact on the Earth's climate for a long, long time.
Gore quoted the latest hyped-up eco report by National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration scientist Susan Solomon, who reckons the planet's excess heat is, for now, being absorbed by oceanic waters, but that eventually, all that carbon dioxide and heat would be regurgitated in a process which could last a thousand years.
Solomon's report warns if a drastic drop in emissions doesn't happen very, very soon, a huge and permanent dust-bowl could form over the Southwest USA and across the Mediterranean as average global temperatures shoots up an estimated 12 degrees Centigrade.
Gore told grumbling senators there was no reason to fear humanity's inevitable doom and that the choice between "our planet and our way of life" was a false one. "The solutions to the climate crisis are the very same solutions that will address our economic and national security crises as well," proclaimed Gore who claimed working towards renewable energy would create loads of jobs and help the US cut ties with nasty, oil-hoarding regimes.
After Gore's passionate plea, the House of Representatives passed the Obama stimulus bill 244-188, with reps trying to get as far away from ManBearPig as quickly as possible. The bill now goes to the Senate. µ
You really, really, really can't say you weren't warned, like, a billion times
Where is your browser ballot now, citizen?
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Cobol? Still? Really?