I swore at Paris Hilton

HERE IN SAN FRAN we had an interesting first day and it hasn't even really started yet.

There are many, many more people at IDF than I have seen since the halcyon Palm Springs days. Intel must be doing well.

Over here at the Hilton we've had a few frights and false alarums and oddly Spanish TV seems a lot more interesting than CNN and Fox News.

Rupert Goodwins, who used to write an interesting diary about IDF that now, sadly, is a bog instead, said that he failed to buy what he wanted three times yesterday. He couldn't find any new shirts, new headphones or MP3 recorders. He is staying at the Marriott which is being rebuilt from the inside out, although oddly the bar staff seem to remember both him and me.

An Intel guy said he got an apology for the screw up - no, not the rebuilding of the Marriott from inside out, but for not supplying half and half with his complementary coffee that comes with his gold status.

It's a seven minute walk here from the Hilton to the Marriott and I had burgers for breakfast, for lunch and for supper. I had to look after an Intel spinner because she walked directly through Tenderloin and she was wearing high heels while I just limped and looked vaguely menacing, which always does the trick here in old San Fran.

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If you hand out a tab or two, they seem grateful, because a packet of fags here costs $4.20, while in London the same product costs six quids, which buys you three cartons in Beijing and even in Old Taipei you can get a carton of 10 packets for one packet in London. It is called "copy exact", Intel explained to me.

I talked to my wife. She said: “So what did you buy today, Mikey?”

I went into grumpy old man mode and said I failed spectacularly to buy Bausch and Lomb contact lenses, but was very successful getting a purchase on cat flea products. These, you can buy off the shelf here in America and in Spain for that matter, but in the UK they cost you an arm and a leg, because the vets say you have to bring the cats in individually and severally at fifty squids a head, before they even consider issuing one prescription at seventy squids a head.

Decided to buy my contacts off the Interwibble. µ