How Baghdad Bob might spin IT

WITH THE DISPLACEMENT of Iraq's spindoctors - such as the infamous "Bagdad Bob" - we at The INQwell feel that the high-tech industry could profit from their vast repertoire of trite phrases and inane babblings. If this political-to-tech PR shift were to happen, here is what may be in store for our industry

Intel
We do not believe that those AMD dogs have entered our 64-bit territory.

Our elite Republican Marketers will drive the infidel AMD from our high-margin lands. Our Itanium shall slay the Opteron - martyrs in the cause shall be greeted at their next jobs with 72 brand new server clusters.

AMD
Rivers of silicon will flow when the great Opteron shall crush the Itanium dog with its might!

Feel the wrath of our 64-bit extensions!

VIA
Those noisy and power-hungry infidels shall die!

NVIDIA
All chipsets shall bow before the Nforce chipset!

Transmeta
Our code-morphing technology will cow these blasphemic* cretins!

IBM
All your database are belong to us….infidel dogs! [Ed - couldn't resist a Pokemon reference, could you?]

Microsoft
All your infidel programmers will one day code for the only true OS.

Note: Any reference to recent despotic statements of Iraq's neighbours is purely intentional. We hereby reserve the right to use "dog" and "infidel" with impunity. If you are an ex-communist PR lackey, you may substitute "decadent" for "dog" and "capitalist" for "infidel."

*The word “Blasphemic” is copywrite 2003, The Inquirer. Take that Amazon! µ