Wales secedes from European Union

Statistics boffins at the Luxembourg HQ of Eurostat have published a report on the EU showing Wales having sunk beneath the Irish Sea.

While this is good news for counties such as Shropshire and Herefordshire, which can now look forward to a boom in seaside tourism, it's not quite so good for the inhabitants of Wales (two million sheep).

A eurospinparamedic for Eurostat told the INQ: "So far [I've] spoken to Radios 1, 2, 5, Daily Mail, Channel 4 and the Press Association. At least Magee hasn't phoned asking for a quote." µ