The Ballad of Sahib Magee

DISCOVERED etched on the stone tablets which made up part of the floor of the Porcupine boozer in London's West End was the following ode.

The alleged author, a toe-rag masquerading under the moniker Welsh Chancer has proved difficult to track down.

The Ballad of Sahib Magee

The sons of the quill are brave men and bold
And quite partial to strong cups of tea
But the bravest by far in the pit called Bill's Bar
Was the hack called Mad Mike Magee

If you wanted a geek to pass on a leak
Or trip up PRs with whisky
Slew muck or spread doubt, you need only shout
For the hack called Mad Mike Magee

Now the heroes were plenty and well known to fame
In Chipzilla's carabinieri
But the staunchest of all was the boss they did call
Seniore Paul S. Otellini

But one day this exec, found himself out of step
When he slated the firm AMD
And at that press show, he doth tread on the toe
Of the hack called Mad Mike Magee

"Young man," quoth Magee, "Has life grown so dull
That ye wish to clash dirks with me?
Vile CEO know, I'll piss on ye show
Or I'm nay longer Mad Mike Magee

"For I've ye secret road map and I'll publish the crap
Then they'll hang you like ol' Mussolini
For by this I imply, you are going to die
Seniore Paul S. Otellini."

Then this sporran of Lucifer fired up his computer
Singing, "Inq! O-Inqui, Inqui!"
And with murderous intent he ferociously went
For Seniore Paul S. Otellini

They parried and thrust, they side-stepped and cussed
Their blows striking near and wide
Till with one lucky dig Mad Mike punctured a rib
Crying "Avast! I've Intel Inside!"

They fought all that night neath the shadowy moon
Feint lit by Mad Mike's burning bidi
And huge multitudes came, so great was the fame
Of Magee and S.Otellini.

Through three days of chipsets, and jabs at their core
They still hadn't settled the score
Till one of the mothers finally gave way, saying
"Let's settle for what's in Moore's law."

Today there sits in old Bangaluru,
On the plains of the Deccan Plateau
A Sahib in tartan, pitched fork at his side
Still plotting - this time in Urdu

New troops he's amassing, 'neath Satan's own flag
To fight the Intel infidel
In the shade of the East, toils this son of the Beast
To unleash a new cyber hell

"I'll still have thee Otellini," he curses aloud
"This time you surely will die
"I've new muck to print, and this time I won't stint
"Once I find some f***ing Wi-Fi!"

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