How to connect to the Interweb in a Marriott

We've been showered with releases from the Mighty Intel telling us that Marriotts are so well connected all you have to do is check in and you're there. Believe that propaganda not.

The INQ is staying in a posh Marriott hotel in Hamburg on our way to famous show CeBIT, and far from it having 802.11diddly or a fast Ethernet connection, you have to talk to the ways and means committee to get to write a story and that.

First, you plug an analogue phone plug into your notebook, the other end of which looks suspiciously like an Ethernet plug that goes in the wall.

Then you have to put 10 commas after the number and it tries to dial but doesn't work.

After that you go down to reception looking slightly cross, and a nice chap says he can help you out. You lift up the main telephone, dial 0 and then hit your ISP's phone number as fast as you can from your notebook which apparently is "too fast" for the phone system to deal with.

And that seems to work.

Isn't technology wonderful?

Then you wait for your 200 spams to download while your phone bill and roaming charges are clocking faster than a London cabbie on speed.

SnoBIT, here we come…