What the 13 PNIs of Prescott really do

INTEL TOLD the INQUIRER yesterday that we'd probably make up the meaning of its 13 - unlucky for some - opcodes yesterday for the new Prescott chip (pictured left), just in time for a web page, tomorrow. And as desktop man Louis Burns, is a past master of predictive speculation himself, he must have read the tea leaves right this time round.

So here is what the new Intel Prescott opcodes really mean, especially made up by your soaraway INQ.

PNI 1. FISTTP. You don't want to know, but it's something to do with Mike Fister, in charge of networks.
PNI 2. ADDSUBPD. Converts a reasonable name for a reasonable guy like Jason "PCI Express" Ziller into a terrible pun based on a combo of Chipzilla and Godzilla
PNI 3. ADDSUBPS. Postscript op-code. Converts a reasonable opcode into Adobe-Cebit-Format (ACF).
PNI 4. MOVDDUP. Promotion instruction op code. Means Louis Burns becomes the favoured successor to Paul Otellini after he pushes the convergence cowboy off his hoss, Bonanza-NASDAQ (BN).
PNI 5. MOVSHDUP. Louis Burns gets cross at the INQUIRER yet again and tells us to shuddupyaface.
PNI 6. MOVSLDUP. As Dimitri Kessler tells us, this is an opcode that allows snakes in the grass to thrive, be happy, and then bite you in the ankle when you think you've got a stable image on your chipset.
PNI 7. LDDQU. All the LDDs (ladds) are QU(euing) up to meet spinmeisters in the Fairmont Hotel and Towers.
PNI 8. HADDPD. The ChAOS (chaotic array of structures) have been well and truly HADD. [Mistake here, Ed.]
PNI 9. HSUBPD. Screaming Sindie has camped on your doorstep [surely desktop, Ed.] all night and wants to know when you will let her in.
PNI 10. HADDPS. A Postscript version of the previous opcode.
PNI 11. HSUBPS. You've been HADD, a postscript to the previous opcode reads.
PNI 12. MONITOR. A lizard or a gecko has crept up on the snake in the grass and devoured it with one flick of its long tongue.
PNI 13. MWAIT. Don't rush into print with information about new opcodes without adequate information, and a small spell checker.
PNI 14. BURNS. Keep cool
PNI 15. ANAND. It's to do with speech recognition. Pronounce it properly, Anand, rather than stressing the second syllable. The opcode means bliss and both of the letters "a" in the name are short, rather than long op codes, as any tyro in Sanskrit can explain.
PNI 16. PREDICT. Speculate like crazy on the future. Who knows, Yamhill might be just round the corner and Intel will be forced to adopt the X86 sixty four model.
PNI 17. BARRETT [That's enough opcodes, you are up to 17 already, four over par, Ed.]