Britannia rules the airwaves

Z'UT ALORS! Plans to launch a French language version of CNN - part of an election pledge from President Jacques Chirac - are in disarray following the announcement that over twenty hours a day will actually be broadcast in English. In 2002, Chirac promised a "CNN à la française" that would "spread the values of France and its global vision throughout the world".

Now the Daily Telegraph reveals that the new station, which has cost the French taxpayer £50 million will broadcast seulement trois heures dans le matin en Français parce que les viewers will be opinion formers, journalists and people qui travel a lot and invariably speak English.

The Association for the Defence of the French Language is reported to have expressed outrage (en français, naturellement) that the station supposed to give a French vision of the news would contain hardly anything in French. The Torygraph, whose readership comprises mainly elderly ladies and retired military men, completely fails to resist pointing out that the cheese-eating surrender monkeys recently joined the British to celebrate their defeat at the battle of Trafalgar.

Now that the French, after years of desperately clinging on to their barbaric tongue, have officially admitted defeat by adopting the language of Shakespeare, we can but hope that those pesky Americans start using English as well. µ