The lead moves in mysterious ways

HOLY SMOKE. Is nothing sacred these days? Church roofs across the UK are being denuded of their lead waterproofing by reprehensible types, causing the Anglican Church to turn to the power of, err, Church Insurers Ecclesiastical.

The clerical insurers claim there's a metal theft epidemic sweeping the land and has joined hands with forensic security outfit Smartwater to protect every Anglican church it insures from metal thieves.

Smartwater's Smartwater is a harmless, invisible, water-based solution which is chemically unique, apparently.

Property marked with the stuff can be traced back to the owner, and criminals coming into contact with the wet solution can also be linked with crime scenes. Sort of like turning water into crime.

Ecclesiastical is also working with the police to put the fear of God into scrap dealers in the hope that they will refuse to accept lead stolen from church roofs.

Hell's Bells
In 2007 Ecclesiastical received almost 1,700 insurance claims worth £5.25m for the theft of lead from church roofs, together with copper lightning conductors, bells and statues.

The thefts have caused substantial damage to the buildings resulting in repair bills of tens of thousands of pounds. Sheffield, Nottingham and Manchester are the worst-hit areas of the country, suffering more than 200 claims between them so far this year.

Ecclesiastical’s managing director for UK and Ireland, Steve Wood, said:

"The theft of metals from churches has gone on long enough. We’re planning to put a stop to it once and for all with a high-tech security measure proven to get results. Churches are important community buildings and beautiful heritage buildings. We simply can’t stand by while they’re attacked in this way. Any thief considering stealing metals from a church in the near future should think twice."

The company reckons the holy water has so far brought about over 400 convictions. µ