McFeelme's Support Helpdesk: 3

"May I have your case # sir?"
"238762"
"Is this Big huge Banking conglomerate?"
"Yes"
two for two
"Is this Bob Dimbulb?"
"No, I'm calling for him. This is Big huge Banking Conglomerate?"
"That's an odd name. Is Banking your Middle name, or is it a hyphenated kind of thing?"
"No, no, that's not my name, I'm calling for the company."
"Oh I see. So who would you like us to call? Or would you like us just to call the company."
"You can call 405-555-1234"
"And now, if possible, could I have your actual name."
"Steve, complete-moron"
"Ahh wonderful! Is the system located at 1734 Main St. Stupid Ohio."
"Yes."
"You, sure?"
"Yup."
"What kind of system are you calling about sir."
"I"ve got a bad hard drive."
"Yeah, that"s not a system that"s a component."
"It"s a model TBX external hard drive pack."
"Right, that attaches to the system. What"s it attached to."
"Ohhh, it"s a DBX 5."
"Great. What"s the serial #"
"Of the external Hard drive pack?"
"No, of the system."
"I don"t have that. I"ve got the serial Number of the external hard drive pack."
"Uh, ok. How bout the Part Number of the hard drive you want replaced"
"You want the serial Number."
"You really want to give me that serial number don"t you."
"It"s the only piece of information I have."
"Okay what is it."
"2435982364"
"Okay that doesn"t help us at all."
"But I feel better."
"Wonderful. How about the size of the hard drive."
"9 gigglebytes."
Click…click…click…click
"Were in luck! There is only one 9 gigglebyte drive for the DBX 5."
"Okay, Do you want me to ship it to you, or do you want me to send an onsite technician?"
"Ahhhhhh... You can ship it to the onsite technician."
"That' wasn't one of the choices. I asked if you want me to ship it to you, or send an onsite technician out with it. I don't need to ship our technicians any drives, they already have some. Which they will gladly bring you, if that's what you want."
"Now lets go over this again. Do you want me to ship you the drive. Or would you rather have an onsite technician come out."
"Ahhhhh ship me an onsite technician."

Calls like that are rough. But these are rougher.

"Type of system?"
"I don"t know."
"Serial Number?"
"Don"t have it."
"Part number of the part you need?"
"No clue."
"Well thanks for calling. How"s your day going."
"Ahhh good. Are you going to help me?"
"Sure. Take the jumper off pin 7"
"You haven"t even asked me the problem yet."
"IT DOESN"T MATTER BECAUSE I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND OF MACHINE WERE TALKING ABOUT!"
"I need a 10 Gig hard drive."
"Okay… a 10 gig hard drive for what? 7200 rpm? 10K? Fiber channel? SCSI? IDE? What? Work with me here pal." µ

McFeelme Johnson µ (McFeelme Johnson, has a real job working for a real IT firm in a real country called the US. The only thing not real are names, to protect him and his real job. )